Reverend TimTom: [plays guitar and sings] Well, times were different, and I think you'll concur That little babies shouldn't play With frankincense or myrrh unless it's Happy birthday, baby Jesus Happy Christmas, Happy kwanzaa Happy hanukkah And happy, happy birthday, baby Jesus [talks] "Christ," not "X."

Frankie: [v.o.] Mike was worried that all the lying was gonna catch up with him, so he did the only thing he could do... Throw another lie on the fire.
Mike: Hey, just so you know, I stopped by that store today, and it turns out they sold out of those cheap dishwashers, so... [clicks tongue] We couldn't have gotten one anyway.
Frankie: Oh, wait a minute. You went to Pioneer City Appliances? You know, they have stores all over the state.
Mike: Well, yeah, I thought of that, but, uh that's why I had the sales guy George, uh, call around... And, uh, he said all the stores were sold out. He was wearing a blue shirt, and, uh, his wife was from Dallas.
Frankie: Okay, fine. Whatever. Did you at least pick up the pecans I asked you to get?
Mike: Yeah, I picked 'em up, but I left 'em in the truck.
Frankie: Truck? What truck?
Mike: Uh... Uh, just some truck. Who knows?
Frankie: [chuckles] What, are you running around in somebody's truck you don't want me knowing about?
[Mike chuckles and then walks off.]

Reverend TimTom: [plays guitar and sings] You could change the world, and you could make it great I learned to play guitar and sing on ice skates As a teen You can do anything When you're a teen [talks] Hey there, Sue Heck.
Sue: Reverend TimTom. [giggles] You need to talk to Brick about the Bible again. Christmas is in two days, and he's still not getting it.
Brick: It's just the more I read, the more questions I have. It's exhausting.
Reverend TimTom: Well, Jesus enjoyed a lively debate. That's the way he rolled. Shoot.

Brick: Okay, so Jesus says, "If you have faith, as small as a mustard seed, the smallest of seeds, you can move mountains." The smallest seed is the orchid seed. Shouldn't he know that?
Reverend TimTom: Well, I don't think orchids grew in ancient Palestine.
Sue: Didn't grow there. Ha! See, Brick?
Brick: Okay, but if God is all-powerful, why didn't he make everybody nice?
Reverend TimTom: Well, that's where free will comes in. You see, God wants people to really dig him, so you're not gonna dig him if there's no choice.
Sue: Choice. Ha. Gettin' it?
Brick: But what about the burning bush or Moses parting the Red Sea? I mean, wow factor? Yes. But believability? Eh.
Reverend TimTom: I get where you're coming from, but if you believe in God, His miracles happen every day.
Sue: Every day.
Reverend TimTom: Sue, um, why don't you take a couple laps around the rink? I think I got this.
Sue: He's got this.

Sue: Reverend TimTom. I don't understand what's happening. Why isn't Brick fixed yet? I mean, you're not just gonna give up on him, right? You're gonna write him some special soul-saving song? [gasps] Or is this one of those time-release things where everything you've said will kick in later?
Reverend TimTom: Sorry, Sue. I did all I could. Right now it's couples skate, and I see a few bummed-out teens without partners. I need to go scoop 'em up and get 'em skatin'. Conga line!

Axl: Whoa, Bob. Hold up.
Bob: No, I'm a loser! I'm a huge loser!
Axl: No, you're not. I didn't mean that.
Bob: No, it's true. Of course it's true. [sighs] I am sharing a hot plate with Patrick Standingbear, and I can't even beat up a snowman? [thud] Ow!
Axl: We put boulders in there for the Glossners. Look... What I meant to say was, you're like this guy, okay, who's on his own... And I guess I didn't get why you would want to be friends with me. You've got this career going. You've been to Disney World, and what have I done? Nothing. I'm the loser.
Bob: Hey. Hey. Don't put yourself down.
Axl: No, it's true. I mean, I still live with my parents.
Bob: That is nothing to be embarrassed about. Your time will come.
Axl: Yeah? [sighs] Thanks. I feel better. So why don't you come inside, huh? We can hang out. I mean, if that's cool.
Bob: Hells, yeah.
Frankie: [v.o.] So as it turned out, Axl ended up giving a Christmas gift after all.

Brick: Isn't it amazing how each snowflake is different?
Sue: I know. It took me, like, three hours to cut out ten, and God has to do, like, 50 billion. You can't tell me that's not a miracle.
Brick: That's a very good point. So do you really believe all that stuff in the Bible is true?
Sue: Oh, absolutely.
Brick: [sighs] I don't know... But it is a really cool story. The roman numerals are cool, too. You don't see those too much in books anymore. [whispers] Roman numerals.

Frankie: Well, I think it was a great party. Everyone was so nice. Didn't you think everyone was nice? And we were all having such a good time.
Mike: Yeah. Some more than others. Glug, glug.
Frankie: Oh, please. I'm not drunk. I'm fine. [gasps] Hey. I know. Let's have a Christmas even open house for all our neighbors.
Mike: [chuckles] Now I know you're drunk.
Frankie: No, no. They've been so nice. They helped us put a new roof on the house. Come on. This will pay 'em back. It's a great idea.
Mike: You always do this, Frankie. You get a couple drinks in you. Then you want to bring people into our house.
Frankie: Sorry. I forgot. Our house is where fun comes to die.
Mike: I'm just sayin' don't do something you'll regret.

Frankie: [v.o.] So after downing a quart of syrup, Axl went to his job at Mr. Ehlert's Christmas tree lot. He wanted extra Christmas money. Oh, not to buy anyone gifts, just to have.
Bob: Whew. For a minute there, I thought he was gonna wiggle off the hook... [deep voice] But we landed him there, didn't we now, captain?
Axl: Pulled him in the boat and bashed him in the head. [both chuckle] Good job, bro.
Bob: Right back at you, bro.

Frankie: Well, apparently everyone is coming to this party, Mike. [sighs] Everyone. I mean, what are we gonna do? You really want them seeing our dishwasher hole? It's embarrassing.
Mike: Oh, I think they'll be embarrassed for us long before they see the hole.
Frankie: Well, I was thinking, as long as we're getting a new dishwasher anyway, why don't we get one now?
Mike: No way, Frankie. The stores jack up the prices this time of year. We'll wait till they're on sale, maybe pick up a scratched and dented floor model. That way it will fit in with everything else.
Frankie: Oh, I see what you're doing. You think if you make me wait long enough, I'll be happy with whatever I get.
Mike: You married me, didn't you?