Trevor: Oh, hey, dum-dum. You ready to go? Oh, you must be Chidi. Trying to improve her. Bold plan, bro.
Chidi: Well, actually, she learned a great deal in a very short amount of time...
Trevor: Oh, really? Really? I don't care. All right, let's hit it. [to Eleanor] Oh, also, you should smile more. You have such a pretty smile. Love you, babe. Can't wait to torture you. This is the 3:18 to the Bad Place, making thousands of stops for literally no reason. Now, you'll notice it's very hot in here, and it will get one degree hotter every time you think about how hot it is. [Eleanor adjusts her collar] Oops. You just thought about it.

Trevor: One final note: the dining car is at the very back of the train. It serves only room-temperature Manhattan clam chowder, and also, it's closed. Okay, here we go. [train chugging]
Michael: Stop this train! [train screeching]
Trevor: Dude, what the fork?
Michael: You're not leaving. Not with her. Not yet. Come on.
Trevor: Wait, you want to keep her? Bro, that's our girl. We agreed on this.
Michael: No, what we agreed on was that this was a mistake. Trevor, we're in unchartered territory here. Until we can sort this out, she stays with us.
Trevor: Pff, all right, fine, but until this is resolved, we're keeping the other Eleanor.
Michael: Fine. What? I'm sorry... The other Eleanor?
Trevor: Yeah, the real Eleanor. The one that was supposed to be here but got sent down to us instead? She's on the train. Eleanor, come on out.
Real Eleanor: Hi, everyone, I'm Eleanor Shellstrop.

Chidi: So how did you not realize you had the wrong Eleanor?
Michael: Oh, we don't know what people look like... only names and profiles. On Earth, they're just dots on a map.
Trevor: Whatever, we got our wires crossed, we picked up the wrong dot, blah, blah, blah, blah blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Point is, there are two Eleanors. The nice, boring one is yours. The trash bag is ours... So, trash bag, let's go. Wh... Let's hit it. And also... I'm still waiting on that smile, gorgeous.
Michael: Trevor.
Trevor: Where's that smile?
Michael: Trevor, how about we negotiate? Maybe give you something else.
Trevor: What in the world could you have that we would want?
Michael: All right, how about a unicorn? Right? I bet you don't have one of those.
Trevor: No, that is true, yeah. [laughs] Might be fun to skin it alive, eat its raw flesh, maybe break off the horn, grind it up, snort it. Okay, let's keep talking. Yeah.

Real Eleanor: I don't mean to be a bother, but could I possibly get some water and whatever food doesn't turn to spiders in your mouth?
Chidi: Oh, of course, so sorry. Let's get some dinner.
Trevor: Yeah, we'll all go. Perfect double date: Two losers, a trash bag, and a demon. Let's hit it. [gives Eleanor a nuggie]

Trevor: Aw, man, this is gonna make a primo dump later on.

Chidi: And for you to have gone through all that, and to end up where you did, it is just... [holds Real Eleanor's hands] It's just amazing.
Trevor: Oh, man, these horndogs are vibing like mofos. Am I right, Fake Eleanor?
Eleanor: Please, stop calling me that.
Trevor: Oh, you got it, third wheel. [laughs] Yeah, that wine's no good. I'm sending it back.

Real Eleanor: So, um, Chidi tells me that he's teaching you about ethics.
Eleanor: Yeah, actually, we've had some interesting and in-depth classes. He taught me about Plato and Socrates, Immanuel Kant...
Trevor: Yeah, cool, shut up. Let's cut to the chase here... You two go to Poundtown? Poundtown, bro. You two bang it out? She hot for teach? Did you pork the dork? C'mon, girl, dish me dem dirty deets.

Trevor: [laughs] I lighted him on fire, and he never spoke again.
Eleanor: You know, maybe I'm not as great as Real Eleanor, but I'm better than I used to be. I'm medium-good. Why haven't you forkers invented a medium place?
Trevor: Look, I know you've been trying to become a "better person," I mean, you didn't want to get caught. I get it. But I read your file... You don't belong here. I mean, she spent her weekends breaking up dog fighting rings. You once saw a meter maid writing you a ticket, and you barked like a dog till she ran away. I mean, honestly, you'll be happier in the Bad Place. I mean, don't get me wrong, you'll be miserable. We will torture you, but you'll also be happier because you won't have to keep trying to fit in somewhere you just don't belong.
Eleanor: [exhales] A'ight. Let's go.
Trevor: Okay, hold on, I have to ask: is this thing gonna happen? You and me?
Eleanor: Ew, no, gross.
Trevor: Okay, you know I had to ask, babe.

Michael: All right, let's begin negotiations. Now, we would like to discuss various trades that we could...
Trevor: Oh, yeah, we're not negotiating. See, Fake Eleanor and I, we bro-ed down pretty hard last night. We hooked up.
Eleanor: No, we didn't.
Trevor: Yeah, but who are they gonna believe... me or a woman? [laughter]

[on video:]
Beadie: Hello, Mindy. My name is Beadie. I'm from the Good Place, and welcome to your first day in the afterlife.
Trevor: What's up, idiot? Sorry I'm late, babe. Hey, are you pregnant?
Beadie: That's not possible.
Trevor: Congrats. Yeah, so, Mindy, look. You mostly sucked, but then you did this one good thing. I mean, I still think we should get you...
Beadie: They didn't, but neither did we. A compromise was made: the neighborhood you are in now by yourself. You submitted a list of things you wanted; the Good Place provided those things.
Trevor: Yeah, and the Bad Place made some modifications.
Beadie: We got you your favorite beer.
Trevor: Yeah, but it's always warm.
Beadie: On your jukebox, you'll find every song ever sung.
Trevor: Yeah, by The Eagles, and it's only the live versions. Also, there's some spoken word poetry from William Shatner. It's deeply terrible. You get the idea. Welcome to eternal mediocrity. Welcome to the Medium Place.
Trevor: So what's up? What's your deal? Are you single? What's going on?