Trending ‘The Good Place’ Quotes

Quote from Shawn in Whenever You're Ready

Judge: Shawn, what you got?
Shawn: Well, I'll begin by saying that this new system stinks, and Michael stinks, and we should throw this all in the garbage and go back to the way it used to be when everyone was tortured.
Michael: There's still some bumps in the road, but this system is good, and it's working. Come on, admit it.
Shawn: I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, admit that.
Michael: I know, buddy. I know.

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Quote from Michael in Chidi Sees the Time-Knife

Michael: All right. Why don't we all sit down so I can fill the Judge in on what we've learned? Your Honor, I once stood in front of you and said I thought there was something wrong with the points system. I finally know what it is. Life now is so complicated, it's impossible for anyone to be good enough for the Good Place. I know you don't like to learn too much about life on Earth to remain impartial, but these days just buying a tomato at a grocery store means that you are unwittingly supporting toxic pesticides, exploiting labor, contributing to global warming. Humans think that they're making one choice, but they're actually making dozens of choices they don't even know they're making.
Judge: Your big revelation is life is complicated? That's not a revelation. That's a divorced woman's throw pillow. I mean, this guy chose this tomato. Those are the consequences. You don't want the consequences? Do the research. Buy another tomato. What else you got?
Michael: Um... I'll tell you what else I got, uh... I got this. ["floss" dance]
Eleanor: Michael. What... what are you doing?
Michael: The Backpack Kid dance.
Eleanor: Why?
Michael: I don't know. It makes people happy. Is it helping?