Jason: Here's the thing. I'm nice to you, and you're mean to me. There's something wrong about that, but I can't put my finger on what it is.
Tahani: Oh, Jason. I genuinely like you, but it's hard to change all at once. Can you give me a little more time?
Jason: Okay. I agree to keep this on the DL for now, if you agree to grab my butt in public once a week. You can say I sat in gum and that you're trying to scrape it off.
Tahani: You do sit in a lot of gum.
Janet: Aw, I'm happy for you guys. [retches] [frog croaking] Huh.

Michael: Look, I don't know what to tell you. If Chidi can't take a joke, that's on him... just like all that blood was. [chuckles]
Eleanor: I can't high-five that! No matter how badly I want to.

Eleanor: Look, this isn't about Chidi not being able to take a joke. This is about you. You're doing what I used to do. You're pulling an Eleanor.
Michael: Posting my cousin's credit card number on Reddit because she said I looked tired? [both chuckle]
Eleanor: I forgot I did that. No. [clears throat] No. Pulling an Eleanor in this case is lashing out when you feel like a failure. You couldn't hack the classes. They made you feel dumb and small, so you took it out on the teacher.
Michael: You think I feel dumb and small? I'm an eternal being who can see in nine dimensions. I can see from your aura that you're about to fart quietly and then lie about it. And please don't, because I can also see what you ate today.
Eleanor: Dude, you can bluster and insult all you want... also classic Shellstrop moves, by the way... but deep down you know I'm right.
Michael: Whatever. Eventually Chidi will get over it.
Eleanor: Ah! [laughs] Leaving it up to the other person to be the grown-up... yet another classic Shellstrop move. [chuckles] You and I are really very similar. What does that say about me? Ugh. Look, bro, it's 100% on you to make this up to him.

Michael: Eleanor... I had Janet make you a never-ending shrimp dispensery.
Eleanor: [gasps] Oh! [laughing] This is the dream.
Chidi: It is?
Eleanor: Yeah.

Michael: Jason, here you go.
Jason: [gasps] Pikachu! Guys, it's Pikachu! This is awesome... [balloon pops] Aw, man.

Michael: And finally, Chidi. You were a tough nut to crack, but I think I figured it out. This is a replica of a lost notebook from the desk of Immanuel Kant. It contains never-before-seen thoughts and musings and several, uh... crude erotic doodles. Interesting guy, actually. The point is, no one on Earth has ever seen this... except for you.
Chidi: Cool. [throws it in the trash] This isn't an apology. It's a bribe, and I'm not interested.
Eleanor: [mouth full] Yeah, we can't be bought.

Eleanor: Whoo-hoo! Nobody try mystery flavor. It's white chocolate, and it is nasty. [eats more]

Tahani: Listen, we just wanted to thank you for all of your help. Our relationship has grown so much stronger over the past few weeks, and we owe it all to you.
Janet: Congratulations. I am very happy for the both of you. [rumbling and crashing] Okay. Bye.
[After Janet disappears from Tahani's house, she reappears in Michael's office]
Janet: Hi, there.
Michael: What's happening? What's wrong?
Janet: I am wrong. I can't stop glitching. I don't know why. And it's getting worse. I fear this neighborhood is in danger of total collapse. So that's the main thing. How are you?