‘Team Cockroach’
Season 2, Episode 4 - Aired October 5, 2017
Michael turns to Eleanor, Chidi, Tahani and Jason to try keep control of his neighborhood.
Quote from Tahani
[flashback:]
Tahani: Kamilah! Congratulations. You have all the attention. Once again.
Kamilah: Who are you?
Tahani: Really?
Kamilah: Good Lord. Tahani! You're a cocktail waitress now. Honestly, I think this is the right move for you.
Tahani: No, it's just that my own sister didn't even deign to invite me to her little soiree. So I had to weasel my way in here like some common... weasel. But I was supposed to be in Haiti being photographed helping people, but instead I delayed my trip by a day to come here and tell you off.
Kamilah: No, you came to do what you always do: make a scene and embarrass yourself.
Tahani: So I'm just an embarrassment to you? Is that what you think of me?
Kamilah: Honestly, I don't really think about you. [laughter]
[Tahani goes over and strikes a large statue of Kamilah. She removes one of the ropes cordoning the statue off, hooks it around the neck and attempts to topple the statue.
Tahani: No! Ow. Thing... just... ah! I'll bring you down! I will bring you down. Come on. Come on! Come down to the ground where you belong, will you... [screams]
Quote from Eleanor
Chidi: Forget about him, focus on us. Kant wrote it is our duty to improve ourselves. So whatever Michael's reasons for doing this, he's giving us the best chance to improve ourselves.
Eleanor: [sighs] Okay, I have to admit, you're making a lot of sense right now. I need to just untangle all of this.
Give me a minute to think about it alone. [circus music plays as Eleanor's bedroom screen doors close]
Eleanor: Janet?
Janet: [appears] Hi, there.
Eleanor: Call me a train. Fill it to the brim with cocaine. I'm going back to Mindy St. Clair's house.
Quote from Eleanor
Chidi: Gonna bail, huh?
Eleanor: Hm? No. Why... why would you say that?
Chidi: Well, you got a bag full of clothes, you stuffed a bunch of pillows and a mop in your bed to make it look like you're asleep and you're literally sneaking out the back gate.
Eleanor: Okay. I'm going to Mindy's. I don't want to live forever in a boring, beige house with a weird, horny cokehead, but look at what you're asking me to do. Make a deal with an actual devil so that I can then do homework in secret. And by the way, you're not my friends, man. We've known each other for, like, a week.
Chidi: You know it's more than that. We've been through some version of this 800 different times. And who cares that it's only been a week? How long do you have to know someone before you do the right thing?
Eleanor: Nine weeks, minimum.
Chidi: Okay.
Eleanor: Look, bro, I don't owe you anything. I gotta do what's right for me. You can come with me if you want. I got another mop we can put in the bed.
Chidi: Good luck.
Quote from Michael
Eleanor: So it's all frozen yogurt places now, huh?
Michael: Yeah, yogurt was what we started with. A lot of us like the first version best so we went back to 322 perfectly matched human souls, blended together in a blissful, harmonic balance. [blows raspberry]
Eleanor: Well done.
Michael: I've only given this opening day tour to you like, 800 times.
Eleanor: Hey, how's this for my oh-my-God-I'm-in-Heaven face?
Michael: Not bad.
Eleanor: Right? I'm a pretty good liar.