Tahani: Your honor, please hear our case. You frankly wouldn't believe what we've been through just to be here today.
Judge: I mean, I would, because I just learned everything about you, but keep talking. I am, like, obsessed with your accent.
Tahani: We have made so much progress and all we ask is an audience with you to prove it. Is that not your very purpose... to weigh in on matters such as ours? To paraphrase a song written by my godfather... "Hey, judge. Don't make it bad. Take a sad group and make us better."

Tahani: Ugh. Maybe we should just go. There are plenty of other people I could help, like my good friend Ben Affleck and his crippling addiction to back tattoos, or my other good friend Matt Damon and his crippling addiction to my friend Ben Affleck.

Michael: Tahani... so, so smart, and sophisticated. She was the only one who was able to talk me out of that goatee.
Tahani: Well, I lost that battle with Robert Downey Jr., and I'll be damned if I lose it with you.

Tahani: Okay, in the words of Princess Kate after we came back from our shopping trip in Ibiza, "There's a lot to unpack here." Perhaps we should just put our concerns aside and enjoy ourselves.

Eleanor: Now all we have to do is convince Shawn.
Tahani: I'll take the lead. If I can convince Dr. Ruth not to sue Bruno Mars over songwriting credit on "Uptown Funk," I can handle this.
Eleanor: Okay, you gotta tell me that story on the way.

Michael: I admire your breadth of knowledge. I can only do one thing: be an architect. I've spent the last 500 Bearimies trying to learn how to play the guitar, and I just mastered "Hey There Delilah."
Tahani: Don't sell yourself short, Michael. I dare say you're the greatest architect in existence, and I should know.
All: Frank Gehry is my godfather.
Tahani: Fair enough. I deserved that.

Tahani: Poor Larry. But... "If you love someone, set them free." My good friend and yoga pupil Sting, no last initial, told me that.

Tahani: Well... I suppose a little entrepreneurial spirit never hurt anyone. You know, "Reach for the stars," as I said to my good friend Elon Musk. And then he shot his car into space. What a weird creep. Why was I friends with him?

Tahani: Jason, I have an idea but... It's a little risky. I need you to act as my bodyguard. Like my friend, Kevin Costner, in that movie where he was a bodyguard. The Bodyguard.
Jason: No problem. My cousin once hired me to do crowd control for his off-brand Sea World. Well, technically, it was just a bunch of kiddie pools full of jellyfish. And instead of a killer whale, they killed a whale.

Tahani: So all I want to do is just check in, see how everyone's holding up. Just bring some cheer to these extraordinary people.
Eleanor: Cool. So tell me about yourself. I mean, I want to hear it all, girlfriend. The good, the bad, the really bad, the embarrassing, the humiliating, just... Let's bond!
Tahani: Okay, well I was born in Pakistan, raised in London, schooled in Paris, but I think the primary reason that I'm in the Good Place is that I raised quite a lot of money for non-profit groups.
Eleanor: Oh. Did you ever, uh, skim a little off the top for yourself?
Tahani: Gracious, no, no! No, every penny was accounted for. And as I raised nearly $60 billion, there was quite a lot of pennies. [Eleanor chuckles] But I also dabbled in some other professions. I was a model, a museum curator, an "It Girl," and... oh, I was Baz Luhrmann's muse for a while. That was quite fun.
Eleanor: Modeling? That's a crazy life. Want to tell me about that rock bottom you probably hit?
Tahani: Oh, I didn't really do it for long. Couture just doesn't fit my body. I'm cursed with ample bosom.
Eleanor: And yet you soldier on.
Tahani: Oh, this is silly. So "Tahani" means "congratulations" in Arabic. And "Al-Jamil" means "beautiful," so my full name altogether means...
Eleanor: "Congratulations, Beautiful."
Tahani: Thanks, Eleanor. [giggles] You big flirt.