John Quote #13
Quote from John in A Chip Driver Mystery
Chidi: Hey, thanks for not telling anyone about Jason.
John: Oh, well, ever since I arrived here, Tahani helped me realize that gossip was an unhealthy way for me to boost my self-esteem. But on the other hand, this Jason tea needs to be spilled.
Chidi: Just try to remember what Immanuel Kant said. It is your duty to keep your friend's secrets.
John: But my favorite philosopher, Bethenny Frankel, would say that I have a duty to "mention it all!", and "if you can't handle the truth, then you can't handle me!"
Chidi: And once again, I beg you, please listen to Emmanuel Kant and not Bethenny Frankel.
John: Ah, well, I gotta goss about something. What about a few blind items that I picked up around the neighborhood? You wanna know who wears the same dumb shorts every day?
Chidi: No, I don't.
John: It's Dumb Shorts Cathy.
The Good Place Quotes
‘A Chip Driver Mystery’ Quotes
Quote from Brent
Michael: Hey, bud. What you up to? Gripping and ripping?
Brent: Trying to. Just seems like the big dog don't wanna hunt today. Simone was very mean to me. Maybe even a little racist.
Michael: Well, listen. Art is subjective. But more importantly... No other way to put this, buddy. You made a mistake. Your actions hurt people. You have to take responsibility for that. You need to come back and apologize. Take the first step toward healing the neighborhood.
Brent: Fine, I'll be the bigger man. Just like my dad, when he single-handedly took on all those class-action lawsuits.
Quote from Janet
Michael: So, obviously, this was a troubling development.
Bad Janet: [groans] Can you just skip to the end?
Michael: No. I need to tell you the whole story.
Bad Janet: Why? Every story about humans ends the same way. Just tell me how they screwed up and put me out of my misery.
Michael: You're judging them too quickly. Trust me, I've spent a lot more time with people than you have.
Bad Janet: And I know literally everything that every one of them has ever done. Do you know what's happening right now on Earth? Wars, murders, women in $400 yoga pants are refusing to vaccinate their children. Vindictive nerds at Apple are changing the charging cable shape again. Where does this hope come from, man? This insane hope that people are worth the trouble. To quote a terrible song by a terrible musician that people love so much they constantly put it in terrible movie trailers: humans are "b-b-b-b-bad to the bone".
Michael: Well, I think that they're g-g-g-good sometimes. And you should give them the b-b-b-benefit of the d-d-d-doubt. Now, where was I?
Quote from Michael
Michael: That was an hour ago. Right before I came here to see you for the last time. For months, you and I have been debating. Are people good or bad? But as I watched those three people pick themselves up and dust themselves off, I realized we've been asking the wrong question. What matters isn't if people are good or bad. What matters is if they're trying to be better today than they were yesterday. You asked me where my hope comes from. That's your answer.
Bad Janet: What are you doing?
Michael: Sending you home. I'm not marbelizing you, Janet. I'm letting you go. I tried to win you over to our side, and it hasn't worked. So keeping you as a prisoner just seems cruel. Letting you go home is how I've decided to be a little better today than I was yesterday. Here's your phone. And a parting gift.
Bad Janet: Oh, sweet, is that Brent's book?
Michael: No, I didn't have any cash on me, so I couldn't get you a copy. This is a manifesto detailing everything that's happened with the humans. Janet and I wrote it a while back. She's been updating it as we go. I hope you'll read it.
Bad Janet: Great thinking. People that get books as gifts always read them. Bye!
[After Bad Janet leaves, Michael sprays Lysol]