Michael Quote #255
Quote from Michael in Janet(s)
Neil: Here we go, the Book of Dougs. Let's have a look. Doug Forbush, Doug Forcap... Doug L. Forcett. Hey, no peeking. Accountants only.
Michael: Can you just tell me his total so far?
Neil: Looks like he's at 520,000 points. Well done, Doug.
Michael: So that's... that's good?
Neil: Oh, it's excellent. Wait, he's 68 years old? Oh, that's terrible. He's screwed.
Michael: I knew it! Doug has spent his entire life being nothing but good. He once found a dollar on the ground, and he sent it to the Canadian government to help pay down their national debt. And he isn't even close to getting in? How can that be?
Neil: Look, mate, the points are indisputable. They have been since the beginning.
Michael: "Og Gives His Rock to Grog."
Neil: First ever act of human altruism. Og earned 10,000 points that day. Of course, then Grog used that rock to beat Og's brains in and lost a million points. The point is, the math is cold, objective, and airtight, and unless you can prove otherwise, I don't know how I can help you.
Matt: I just got 700 new Weird Sex Thing files in the last one second.
Neil: Oh, yeah, Burning Man just started. Buckle up, Matty. It's going to be a long week.
The Good Place Quotes
‘Janet(s)’ Quotes
Quote from Michael
Neil: Well, I've got to run. We're having a little thing in the break room for Marisol's birthday. She turning 39,000,000 again. So, if there's nothing else...
Michael: "If there's nothing else"? Neil, be logical. Not one Good Place resident in over 500 years? Not Jonas Salk? Not Harriet Tubman? Not one single Golden Girl? The Bad Place has hacked your system!
Neil: No, it hasn't. How dare you? Frankly, I'm beginning to resent your tone, sir. If you've got a problem, then go to the Good Place and take it up with the Committee. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get to the break room, because there's cake over there, and if I don't move quickly, Erika will get the last corner piece. Good day, sir!
Quote from Eleanor
Jason: That was awesome! I want to go again!
Eleanor: Where are we?
Michael: We're in the Good Place.
Eleanor: No offense, dude, but you have told us a lot of lies in the last 300 years. So, seriously, where the fork are we? Fork. Shirt. Ash hole. [gasps] Holy forking shirtballs. We're in the Good Place!
Quote from Jason
Chidi-Janet: This is nuts. We're in a void in the body of a white lady.
Eleanor-Janet: Not a lady.
Tahani-Janet: Not a lady, darling.
Jason-Janet: Well, we are white. Let's all say white people things! Billy Joel. I found it on Etsy. There was nowhere to park. Did you refill the Brita?