Eleanor: Oh, no. I knew it. You hate me now. What did it? The time I was subpoenaed by the Make-A-Wish Foundation?
Chidi: No.
Eleanor: Oh, I know what it was. In my defense, I didn't realize he was my boyfriend's twin until halfway into hooking up with him, and at that point, you know, it's a sunk cost.

Eleanor: I love you, okay?
Chidi: Oh. The words are nice, but the tone is scary.
Eleanor: We're in love, and everything's great, and if we want to keep it that way, you have to promise to never, ever, ever read my file.
Chidi: Okay. If you don't want me to, then of course I won't, but nothing in there could ever change how I feel about you.
Eleanor: Eh... You say that now, but you don't know what I did on Halloween 2013.
Chidi: What did you do on Halloween 2013?
Eleanor: Oh, I don't remember, but it must've been bad, because the next morning, I woke up in a large Rubbermaid container in some family's basement, and I had barfed all over their old photo albums. Yeah, see, that's the look we're trying to avoid here, bud.

Chidi: While Michael is trying to get the Architects trained, we're supposed to find the first 1,000 humans to take the test. People who will just sail right through it so we can build confidence in the system. So what are the criteria? Should it be people with the highest point totals or overcame the greatest hardship?
Jason: I think we just start with the gimmes, the very best people who ever lived. So Evel Knievel, Kool-Aid Man, Mini-Me, DJ Jazzy Jeff... [gasps] A genie so we can wish for infinity people.
Chidi: Jason...
Jason: Sure, throw me in there, too. Also, Fat Bastard, the World's Most Interesting Man, Pikachu, Karate Kid, Wendy from Wendy's, Grumpy Cat, and the GPS lady that tells you where to drive... [sighs] Feels like a good stopping point. Let's call it a day, come back fresh tomorrow. Great job, everyone.