Jason Quote #218

Quote from Jason in You've Changed, Man

Eleanor: Your time on Earth won't be a test that you either pass or fail, but instead a class you take, and the test will come in the afterlife.
Jason: The first part stays the same. You live your life, screw up a bunch of stuff. Like, a lot of stuff. Like, to the point where people are, like... "This is messed up, even for Florida." But you can't hear them because you fell into the swamp trying to spray paint a Taco Bell logo on a snapping turtle. Uh, we rest our case, Your Honor.
Chidi: No, no. No, no, no, no, no, we don't. We barely started.


 ‘You've Changed, Man’ Quotes

Quote from Jason

Jason: Tell me about it. I once went to jail for a week just because I stole a hot dog. Well, a hot-dog-shaped car. I stole the Wienermobile.

Quote from Tahani

Eleanor: Now all we have to do is convince Shawn.
Tahani: I'll take the lead. If I can convince Dr. Ruth not to sue Bruno Mars over songwriting credit on "Uptown Funk," I can handle this.
Eleanor: Okay, you gotta tell me that story on the way.

Quote from Judge

Judge: Ugh. All Janet voids are nothing, but Neutral Janet voids are, like, the most nothing.
Janet: Judge, please, please don't cancel Earth.
Judge: Why not? The system's broken. You guys proved it. I just want to reboot the whole thing, and go back to my chambers. I am on season three of Justified, and can I just tell you, it is so good. I, like, binged all of season two in a day.
Janet: Think of all the amazing human achievement you'd be eliminating. The works of William Shakespeare. The Pyramids. Timothy Olyphant.
Judge: Ooh, that one stings. There's, like, 50 gallons of man in a 10-gallon hat. I'm, like, oh! Look, I'm the freaking Judge, and I made a freaking ruling, and it's gonna freaking happen, soon as I find the freaking clicker thing. All right, what do I search for? "Humanity eraser button garage door opener thingy Judge." [groans]