Neil: Well, I've got to run. We're having a little thing in the break room for Marisol's birthday. She turning 39,000,000 again. So, if there's nothing else...
Michael: "If there's nothing else"? Neil, be logical. Not one Good Place resident in over 500 years? Not Jonas Salk? Not Harriet Tubman? Not one single Golden Girl? The Bad Place has hacked your system!
Neil: No, it hasn't. How dare you? Frankly, I'm beginning to resent your tone, sir. If you've got a problem, then go to the Good Place and take it up with the Committee. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get to the break room, because there's cake over there, and if I don't move quickly, Erika will get the last corner piece. Good day, sir!

Chidi-Janet: This is nuts. We're in a void in the body of a white lady.
Eleanor-Janet: Not a lady.
Tahani-Janet: Not a lady, darling.
Jason-Janet: Well, we are white. Let's all say white people things! Billy Joel. I found it on Etsy. There was nowhere to park. Did you refill the Brita?

Eleanor-Janet: I don't get this, man. Why wouldn't you want to know what our life was like? You're not even a little bit curious what it was like to hit this? I don't mean this this. Although, frankly, I would also hit this this.
Chidi-Janet: I don't want to see those memories because, philosophically speaking, they're none of my business. They happened to someone else. Let me explain. [summons a black board] Take a seat. Conceptions of the self. Let's start with John Locke, who believed that personal identity was based on having a continued consciousness. Essentially, memory. Memories are links in a chain that together form a single self. If I can't remember what happened because it happened to a Chidi from another timeline, it's not a unified me.
Jason-Janet: Just because you don't remember doing something doesn't mean you didn't do it. I have no idea how it happened, but there is definitely a tattoo on my butt that says "Jasom."
Chidi-Janet: That brings us to Derek Parfit.
Tahani-Janet: It does?
Chidi-Janet: Parfit said even if I have memories from an earlier time, that doesn't necessarily mean it was me. After all, if my brain was split in two and each half was put in a different person, which one is me? All I know is that other Chidi doesn't exist anymore, and this one does. So this must be the real Chidi.
Eleanor-Janet: And all I know is that you're just barfing Wikipedia all over everyone to avoid talking about your feelings.
Chidi-Janet: Let's talk about David Hume.