Tahani Quote #51

Quote from Tahani in Everything is Great

Tahani: Uh, hello, all. Sorry for the late hour, Eleanor. I wanted to stop by and give you back your sash.
Eleanor: That's okay. You can just keep it.
Tahani: No! I don't deserve it. I made a complete fool of myself tonight. I interrupted your big speech, badly stained my cargo pants, which, I have to admit, are quite comfortable. Oh, God, what's happened to me? I'm praising off-the-rack separates!


 ‘Everything is Great’ Quotes

Quote from Chidi

Chidi: So, how do you choose who I should be with?
Michael: Oh, I don't choose. You do, Chidi.
Chidi: I... [stammers] What?
Michael: This is Angelique, Pedro, and Pevita. According to the system, either Pedro or Chidi could be matched perfectly with either Angelique or Pevita. So, figure it out. Should be fun.
Chidi: Cool... beans. One second, guys. Um, so, so, so...
Michael: Yeah?
Chidi: Yeah, so... making decisions isn't necessarily my strong suit.
Michael: I know that, buddy. You... you once had a panic attack at a make-your-own-sundae bar.
Chidi: There were too many toppings. And very early in the process you had to commit to a chocolate palate or a fruit palate, and if you couldn't decide, you wound up with kiwi-Junior-Mint-raisin, and it just ruins everyone's night.

Quote from Michael

Chidi: No way. Soul mates are real?
Michael: They sure are. Although, your soul-mate situation is a little unusual.
Chidi: Oh, no. I don't have one, do I? That's fine. I mean, who needs a soul mate, anyway? My soul mate will be... books!
Michael: No, no, it's not that you don't have a soul mate, it's that you have multiple soul mates. Here. Now, normally, our omniscient system perfectly analyzes each person's profile, and then matches him or her with another person. But in your case, the system matched you with two other people. It's a rare occurrence, like... like a double rainbow, or someone on the Internet saying, "You know what? You've convinced me I was wrong."

Quote from Michael

Chuck: I have some questions about my character too. Like... can he bite them?
Michael: No. Okay, reminder: the most important thing tonight... and this is crucial... you need to get Eleanor drunk at the welcome party, so she will say and do a bunch of bad stuff. And then we take that stuff and use it to build our chaos sequence in the morning. For example, you remember last time, she stole all the cocktail shrimp, and we made giant nightmare shrimp fly through the sky? See, it's those details that make her realize she's in danger of being found out. Okay... I know that this kind of large-scale deception is not what you were trained to do. There are gonna be days when you're just sick of being around these disgusting humans, with their weird, gross little mouths, and their stupid elbows. You're gonna be tempted to say, "Screw it. Can't we just go back to HQ "and do this the old-fashioned way? "Pull out some fingernails, toss someone in an acid pit, fire up the old penis flattener?" And sure, sure, that sounds nice. But it also sounds easy. We're all here because we believe that there's a better way to make humans miserable. And I... I believe in you. So, "torture" on three. Ready? One, two, three...
All: Torture!
Chuck: And biting!
Michael: Nope! No.