Eleanor Quote #79
Trevor: Hey, dingdongs. We figured out what's happened here. You two are both named Eleanor Shellstrop. The day you died, you were both in Phoenix, Arizona shopping at the same grocery store. [blows raspberry]
Michael: The "real Eleanor" was attending a conference on the death penalty, and you stopped by to pick up food for a local homeless shelter. And "fake Eleanor" was there buying margarita mix and a magazine called "Celebrity Baby Plastic Surgery Disasters." Incredibly, you both died in the same 10,000th of a second in the same traffic accident because Real Eleanor was trying to save Fake Eleanor's life by pushing you out of the way of the truck.
Eleanor: I guess you really botched that one, eh?
Real Eleanor: I did, and I am so, so sorry.
Eleanor: It's all good.
The Good Place Quotes
Quote from Tahani
Michael: Oh, Tahani, I'm so sorry. I will obviously clean all of this up.
Tahani: I don't care about the house, Michael. I'm just upset that you let them walk all over you.
Michael: I know... they're the only thing in the Universe that scares me. I know what I have to do. I just have to be... more accommodating. Offer them everything they want, give in to all of their demands, and then they'll have to respect me.
Tahani: No, you need to stand up for yourself. I'm going to tell you the same thing that I told Mark Zuckerberg right before he ousted Eduardo Saverin. "You are smart, you are capable, and the time has come to hit 'unfriend.'" I also told Mark to lose the "the". Just "Facebook." That was me.
Quote from Janet
Jason: Hey, Janet. You look sad.
Janet: People keep asking me questions that I don't know the answers to.
Jason: That was my whole life on Earth. You know, it doesn't matter if you know things. All that matters is what's in your heart.
Janet: Thanks, Jianyu. I mean, it does matter if I know things, because I'm an informational delivery system, and I don't have a heart, but thanks.
Quote from Tahani
Tahani: Hello, Jianyu. You got sloppy. I found your junk food all over the house, and then, last night, you knew how to tap a keg. So I thought I would come in here and investigate your little "meditation" den. What I found was this. Now, I don't know who you are, but I do know that you're not a Buddhist monk. So let's chat, shall we?