Chidi Quote #8
Michael: Listen, Chidi. I've been studying your file. You're a very interesting case. You essentially only did one thing while you were on earth. You thought and wrote about ethics.
Chidi: Yes, I... I spent 18 years working on my manuscript called "Who We Are and Who We Are Not..."
Michael: No, no, no....
Chidi: " - Practical Ethics and Their Application in the Modern World; A Treatise..."
Michael: Yes, yes, yes, that's the one. That's the one.
Quote from Janet
Michael: This is the perfect hobby for you, Chidi. Cartography. Your neighborhood stretches way beyond what you've already seen. And you can map it, revealing all of the mysteries, like an explorer.
Chidi: I see how that might be fun. Uh, but, uh, exploring makes me nervous. I have what doctor's call "directional insanity." I once got lost on an escalator. So not exactly Christopher Columbus.
Janet: Fun fact: Columbus is in the Bad Place because of all the raping, slave trade, and genocide.
Michael: The fact that it makes you nervous is exactly why you should do it. You know, get out of your comfort zone. Become a trail-blazer.
Janet: Fun fact: all deceased members of the Portland Trail Blazers basketball team are also in the Bad Place. [giggles]
Michael: Yeah, sorry about this. I steered her away from colloquialisms and into "fun facts" and trivia tidbits. I thought it'd be more in her wheelhouse.
Janet: Fun fact: a "wheelhouse" is a part of a boat.
Michael: Okay, thank you, Janet, thank you.
Janet: Fun fact: Janet is me.
Quote from Jason
Eleanor: [to herself] Relax, Eleanor. You sent this to yourself. This is your own guilt manifesting itself.
Jason: I've been waiting for you.
Eleanor: Jianyu? You talk now? You sent me these threatening notes? What the fork, man? Some Buddhist monk you are.
Jason: You don't belong here. Admit it.
Eleanor: Okay, you're right. I don't belong here. Michael made a mistake. But I'm trying, dude. I'm really trying to be a good person. And I think I'm changing for the better, so just please, please don't rat me out.
Jason: Don't worry, I won't. [Eleanor sighs] Because I'm not supposed to be here, either. I don't know how I got here, I have no idea what's going on, and I am freakin' out, homey! You got to help me. I'm scared!
Quote from Michael's Gambit
Eleanor: But wait, why is Chidi here?
Chidi: Well, uh... there's something you don't know about me. I read an article saying that growing almonds was bad for the environment, and yet I continued to use almond milk in my coffee...
Michael: No, dingus! You hurt everyone in your life with your rigidity and your indecisiveness.
Chidi: Oh, fork! You're right. Every friend, every girlfriend was driven nuts because I couldn't do anything. I missed my mom's back surgery because I had already promised my landlord's nephew that I would help him figure out his new phone. I made everyone miserable.
Quote from The Trolley Problem
Chidi: But definitely a no on the rap musical?
Eleanor: I mean, if we really...
Chidi: [rapping] My name is Kierkegaard, and my writing is impeccable. Check out my teleological suspension of the ethical.
Chidi: No! Right? [laughs] No, it felt like a no when I was doing it.