Michael: Okay, Janet's passing out the file on Tahani Al-Jamil, who volunteered to be today's test subject. So, take a look, and then we'll get going.
Tahani: They don't seem very enthused. This may be a tougher challenge than I thought, like when I tried to teach Taylor Swift how to dance. The longest four years of my life.

Eleanor: Oh, no. I knew it. You hate me now. What did it? The time I was subpoenaed by the Make-A-Wish Foundation?
Chidi: No.
Eleanor: Oh, I know what it was. In my defense, I didn't realize he was my boyfriend's twin until halfway into hooking up with him, and at that point, you know, it's a sunk cost.

Chidi: While Michael is trying to get the Architects trained, we're supposed to find the first 1,000 humans to take the test. People who will just sail right through it so we can build confidence in the system. So what are the criteria? Should it be people with the highest point totals or overcame the greatest hardship?
Jason: I think we just start with the gimmes, the very best people who ever lived. So Evel Knievel, Kool-Aid Man, Mini-Me, DJ Jazzy Jeff... [gasps] A genie so we can wish for infinity people.
Chidi: Jason...
Jason: Sure, throw me in there, too. Also, Fat Bastard, the World's Most Interesting Man, Pikachu, Karate Kid, Wendy from Wendy's, Grumpy Cat, and the GPS lady that tells you where to drive... [sighs] Feels like a good stopping point. Let's call it a day, come back fresh tomorrow. Great job, everyone.