Michael Quote #246
Michael: What you're doing here, how you're living your life, just so wonderful. But can I maybe give you just a little advice?
Doug Forcett: I know... I should donate more blood. I'll try, but the last time I went down there they said I was so anemic, they ended up giving me blood.
Michael: No, look, look. Um... I've been a reporter for a long time, Doug. Met all sorts of people. Traveled all over this crazy blue marble. Meeting regular folks. Every face tells a story, Doug. Why, I'd say that those so-called regular folks often turn out to be not so regular after all.
Michael: Sorry. The point is, I have never met anyone so dedicated to making other people and snails happy. [Doug chuckles] If what you're saying is true about the afterlife, then you must have earned more than enough points by now. So, loosen up, bud. Have a little fun. Eat something besides lentils.
Doug Forcett: Like radishes?
Michael: No, no, Doug. Dammit. Just have ice cream or chicken parm. Live your life. You know, travel. Drink regular water that wasn't inside you. Okay? Just relax.
Doug Forcett: Thank you, Michael. But no. I can't do any of those things.
Michael: Why not?
Doug Forcett: Because I can't risk it. There's an accountant out there somewhere measuring the value of everything I do. What if I relax and do something that loses me just enough points to keep me out of the Good Place and I'm tortured for eternity? No, I have to make every moment count. It's the only rational way to live. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to walk to Edmonton to give $85 to a snail charity.
Quote from Eleanor
Eleanor: So, in this whole other timeline, Chidi and I said "I love you" to each other. But he doesn't remember any of that happened, so I guess my question is, when is the right time to tell someone you were passionate lovers in an alternate timeline in the afterlife but he doesn't remember because technically none of that happened in this strand of the multi-verse?
Eleanor: You know what? I'll just check with Yahoo Answers. I'm sure someone's weighed in.
Quote from Chidi
Chidi: Yeah, I'm pretty excited to relax and have a drink. I mean, saving souls feels great, but Sydney to Budapest to Phoenix to Calgary... I'm so jetlagged, I can't even regrender my chorf. Don't even know what I was trying to say.
Quote from Tahani
Eleanor: Hey guys, having fun? Cool, cool, cool. So, we need to get out of here immediately because this bar is full of demons.
Tahani: Eleanor, just because these people are wearing cheap leather and stone washed denim, they're still part of the Queen's realm. Calling them demons is a bit much.