Michael Quote #211
Eleanor: OK. Guys, I used to work at a place that was raided by the FBI pretty frequently. I know a Fed when I see one and these two "jamokes" are not FBI, OK? Who are you? Really.
Michael: All right, all right. Fine. Just give me one more second.
Michael: [quietly to Janet] Serious question? Should we kill them?
Michael: It might work! We kill them, go back through the door somehow grab them before they get to the Bad Place and regroup from there. I could kill them right now. And you know, it would be easy. Their bodies are very poorly made. They're mostly goo and juice. You just take the juice out and then they're dead.
Janet: Michael... they've seen through the door into the afterlife and they heard how it works. [sighs] It's over.
Michael: Ah... Fine. I guess I'll start at the beginning. You all died.
Quote from Jason
Jason: Why don't you want your name on the opera house? I love getting my name on stuff. In Jacksonville, I got a flu virus named after me 'cause I kissed a bat on a dare.
Quote from Jason
Tahani: This was a truly great plan.
Jason: Ah, thanks. Man, there are so many times that just this amount of money would have changed my life. I could have paid my rent. I could've gone to a real doctor instead of pretending I was a big dog so I could go to the vet.
Quote from Chillaxing
Michael: I still don't have a grip on the human emotional spectrum. You guys are often happy when you should be sad and angry when you should be happy, and texting when you should be driving, which is not an emotion, I know, but it's insane. The point is, in this case, even if it's not rational, you're allowed to feel a little angry. Let yourself off the hook. Process it and work your way through it, and then get your shirt together. Because we have a lot of work to do.
Quote from The Funeral to End All Funerals
Michael: Let's focus on the big picture here. Free of Earth's complications and its unintended consequences, the other three improved a lot. Chidi got 38% more confident. Simone got 43% more flexible in her judgments of people, and John didn't call one single person the C-word.
Judge: But he did yell the C-word at himself as well as a pack of squirrels and a chair he tripped over.
Shawn: Why are we even still discussing this? Brent got worse. If humans can't be good with their needs magically met, maybe they're just not that good.
Judge: He's right; the evidence needed to be overwhelming. I can't just turn the whole afterlife upside down because three people got a little bit better.
Michael: But don't forget. There's a lot of evidence that Eleanor, Jason and Tahani got better in the original experiment, so that's six people. That's the number of friends in Friends. Are you gonna sit there and say that every single Friend belongs in hell? I mean, maybe Ross and Rachel... and Monica and Joey, and definitely Chandler... but Phoebe?