Michael Quote #176

Quote from Michael in Somewhere Else

Judge: Hi, guys. Couple quick announcements. Would anyone eat chips and guac if I put it out? It's good. It's homemade. No takers? A'ight. Second thing: we figured out a plan to save your souls.
Michael: For the time being, The Judge is gonna put you in your own medium places, like Mindy St. Clair. And while you're there, I'll keep working every angle I can think of to get you guys into the Good Place, for real.
Jason: This is great. So we'd all be together?
Judge: Oh, no, that's the thing about Medium Places... It has to be tailored to what's medium for the individuals. So if you're all together, it ain't medium.
Chidi: How much time will we be alone?
Michael: Hard to say. Uh, could be a month.
Judge: Could be a million years.
Michael: So, between a month and a million years.
Judge: Yeah, give or take.
Michael: Yeah? Somewhere in there.

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 ‘Somewhere Else’ Quotes

Quote from Eleanor

Eleanor: And in the end, Anthony Anderson and Jerry O'Connell start a successful shampoo company and you see the kangaroo jumping around Australia. That is the plot of the movie Kangaroo Jack. Why did I tell you that?
Michael: It's unclear.

Quote from Tahani

Eleanor: Wow, so you saw your parents in the test?
Tahani: Yes. And I immediately fell right back into my old pattern, desperately trying to impress them and earn their admiration. Then I heard this little voice in my head saying, "Tahani, don't do this."
Eleanor: The little voice in your head sounds like the old lady from Downton Abbey.
Tahani: Oh, yeah, sorry. Maggie Smith is my godmother. Anyway, I took a deep breath, told them I ate a Cheeto, and walked away.
Eleanor: Man. You have made so much progress. I'm proud of you, hot stuff.
Tahani: Whatever progress I have made, it's because you and I have become mates. That's British for "friends."
Eleanor: No, I know.

 Michael Quotes

Quote from Chillaxing

Michael: I still don't have a grip on the human emotional spectrum. You guys are often happy when you should be sad and angry when you should be happy, and texting when you should be driving, which is not an emotion, I know, but it's insane. The point is, in this case, even if it's not rational, you're allowed to feel a little angry. Let yourself off the hook. Process it and work your way through it, and then get your shirt together. Because we have a lot of work to do.

Quote from The Funeral to End All Funerals

Michael: Let's focus on the big picture here. Free of Earth's complications and its unintended consequences, the other three improved a lot. Chidi got 38% more confident. Simone got 43% more flexible in her judgments of people, and John didn't call one single person the C-word.
Judge: But he did yell the C-word at himself as well as a pack of squirrels and a chair he tripped over.
Shawn: Why are we even still discussing this? Brent got worse. If humans can't be good with their needs magically met, maybe they're just not that good.
Judge: He's right; the evidence needed to be overwhelming. I can't just turn the whole afterlife upside down because three people got a little bit better.
Michael: But don't forget. There's a lot of evidence that Eleanor, Jason and Tahani got better in the original experiment, so that's six people. That's the number of friends in Friends. Are you gonna sit there and say that every single Friend belongs in hell? I mean, maybe Ross and Rachel... and Monica and Joey, and definitely Chandler... but Phoebe?