Chidi Quote #88

Quote from Chidi in The Burrito

Chidi: You know, I thought I'd have a stomachache right now, but weirdly... I do.
Eleanor: There's my guy.
Chidi: What?
Eleanor: Doesn't matter. I'm gonna miss you, bud. Every time they pull my eyeballs out through my mouth, I'll think of you.

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‘The Burrito’ Quotes

Quote from Michael

Shawn: So, just to be clear, you actually rebooted them over 800 times, and all of these reports of their torture are completely fake?
Michael: Yes, but frankly, this is on you. A lot of those details I just took directly from Stephen King novels and episodes of Pretty Little Liars.

Quote from Tahani

Tahani: Your honor, please hear our case. You frankly wouldn't believe what we've been through just to be here today.
Judge: I mean, I would, because I just learned everything about you, but keep talking. I am, like, obsessed with your accent.
Tahani: We have made so much progress and all we ask is an audience with you to prove it. Is that not your very purpose... to weigh in on matters such as ours? To paraphrase a song written by my godfather... "Hey, judge. Don't make it bad. Take a sad group and make us better."

Quote from Michael

Shawn: How could you betray your own kind like this? Who taught you how to turn a human inside out by reaching down their throat and grabbing their butt from the inside?
Michael: You did.
Shawn: You got that right, sister. And this is how you repay me.
Michael: Oh, spare me the sanctimonious lecture. You never cared about me. In the words of one of my actual friends... Ya basic. It's a human insult. It's devastating. You're devastated right now.

Chidi Quotes

Quote from Dance Dance Resolution

Chidi: So we're in the Bad Place, and I know why: almond milk. I knew it was bad for the environment, but I loved the way it coated my tongue with a weird film.

Quote from The Trolley Problem

Chidi: But definitely a no on the rap musical?
Eleanor: I mean, if we really...
Chidi: [rapping] My name is Kierkegaard, and my writing is impeccable. Check out my teleological suspension of the ethical.
Eleanor: No.
Chidi: No! Right? [laughs] No, it felt like a no when I was doing it.

Quote from Michael's Gambit

Eleanor: But wait, why is Chidi here?
Chidi: Well, uh... there's something you don't know about me. I read an article saying that growing almonds was bad for the environment, and yet I continued to use almond milk in my coffee...
Michael: No, dingus! You hurt everyone in your life with your rigidity and your indecisiveness.
Chidi: Oh, fork! You're right. Every friend, every girlfriend was driven nuts because I couldn't do anything. I missed my mom's back surgery because I had already promised my landlord's nephew that I would help him figure out his new phone. I made everyone miserable.