Jason Quote #101

Quote from Jason in The Burrito

Judge: Jason.
Jason: Present!
Judge: Good. In front of you is a video game system loaded with Madden football.
Jason: Are you kidding me? I'm the best at Madden. I call Jaguars.
Judge: As I was about to tell you, you can only play against the Jaguars.
Jason: No.
Judge: Using their archrivals, the Tennessee Titans.
Jason: No!
Judge: If you play the game and you lose...
Jason: Oh. I'm gonna win. Say no more, scary judge lady. Tell my friends their souls are in good hands.
Jason: No, I fumbled the kickoff! Titans suck.


 ‘The Burrito’ Quotes

Quote from Michael

Shawn: So, just to be clear, you actually rebooted them over 800 times, and all of these reports of their torture are completely fake?
Michael: Yes, but frankly, this is on you. A lot of those details I just took directly from Stephen King novels and episodes of Pretty Little Liars.

Quote from Tahani

Tahani: Your honor, please hear our case. You frankly wouldn't believe what we've been through just to be here today.
Judge: I mean, I would, because I just learned everything about you, but keep talking. I am, like, obsessed with your accent.
Tahani: We have made so much progress and all we ask is an audience with you to prove it. Is that not your very purpose... to weigh in on matters such as ours? To paraphrase a song written by my godfather... "Hey, judge. Don't make it bad. Take a sad group and make us better."

 Jason Mendoza Quotes

Quote from Jeremy Bearimy

Jason: Why don't you want your name on the opera house? I love getting my name on stuff. In Jacksonville, I got a flu virus named after me 'cause I kissed a bat on a dare.

Quote from Dance Dance Resolution

Jason: Yo, yo, homies, check it. There's something messed up with this place. We keep fighting with each other. None of the TVs get the NFL RedZone channel. My soul mate doesn't even know who Blake Bortles is. I know this sounds crazy, but I think we're in the Bad Place.
Michael: Jason figured it out? Jason? This is a real low point. Yeah, this one hurts. Ow.