Judge Quote #1
Quote from Judge in The Burrito
Tahani: No Michael and no Janet. Didn't even get to say a proper goodbye. Not even a mere toodleloo. [the portal slams shut]
Eleanor: We're on our own. We have to handle this ourselves. Michael said the portal would lead us to the Judge, so... where's the Judge? All I see is a burrito.
Chidi: Do you think it's a test? Like, maybe one of us is supposed to eat it, or we eat it together, or... or maybe, maybe it's a test to see how long we can go without eating it.
Jason: I'm not scared of any burrito. I'll eat it. Unless... The burrito is the Judge.
Tahani: Don't be so bloody ridiculous. Judges aren't food, judges are serious people who wear long, silk nightgowns and big, white powdered wigs.
Eleanor: Ah-ah. He could be right.
Chidi: What? Really?
Eleanor: I don't know, I'm just saying we've certainly seen weirder things than an all-knowing burrito. We can't take any chances. Hello, Your Excellency. My name is Eleanor Shellstrop. We doth seek thine judgment. We've traveled a long distance to see you, o great one.
Judge: What are you guys looking at? [all scream and exclaim] Hi. I'm the Judge. That's a burrito. What's up, guys?
The Good Place Quotes
‘The Burrito’ Quotes
Quote from Michael
Shawn: So, just to be clear, you actually rebooted them over 800 times, and all of these reports of their torture are completely fake?
Michael: Yes, but frankly, this is on you. A lot of those details I just took directly from Stephen King novels and episodes of Pretty Little Liars.
Quote from Tahani
Tahani: Your honor, please hear our case. You frankly wouldn't believe what we've been through just to be here today.
Judge: I mean, I would, because I just learned everything about you, but keep talking. I am, like, obsessed with your accent.
Tahani: We have made so much progress and all we ask is an audience with you to prove it. Is that not your very purpose... to weigh in on matters such as ours? To paraphrase a song written by my godfather... "Hey, judge. Don't make it bad. Take a sad group and make us better."
Quote from Michael
Shawn: How could you betray your own kind like this? Who taught you how to turn a human inside out by reaching down their throat and grabbing their butt from the inside?
Michael: You did.
Shawn: You got that right, sister. And this is how you repay me.
Michael: Oh, spare me the sanctimonious lecture. You never cared about me. In the words of one of my actual friends... Ya basic. It's a human insult. It's devastating. You're devastated right now.