Michael Quote #118
Quote from Michael in Existential Crisis
Chidi: Is there any way that you can die?
Michael: Yeah, actually there is. It's called retirement. It's rare, but when one of us really screws something up... [clicks teeth]
Chidi: And what happens exactly?
Michael: Well, it's fairly straightforward. My essence would be scooped out of my body with a flaming ladle, and every molecule of my body would be placed on the surface of a different sun.
Eleanor: Sure.
Chidi: So is that what would happen if your boss found out that you defected to our side?
Michael: Yeah.
Chidi: Okay, so that might actually happen, and if it did there would be no more... Michael. Think about that for a second. Imagine being retired. Everyone else is here. But you? Poof. Gone. Nothingness. Inky black void. Done.
Michael: Okay. I'll think about that.
Michael: Huh. So... you're saying that I would be... No... Me? [exclaiming]
Chidi: Okay! Now we're getting somewhere.
The Good Place Quotes
‘Existential Crisis’ Quotes
Quote from Michael
Michael: So that's their plan.
Jason: This doesn't seem so bad.
Michael: Yeah. It really tucks my nuggets. I worked so hard on my torture ideas, and theirs are so basic. These millennials, they have no work ethic. Oh, sorry, a millennial is someone who has only been torturing people for a thousand years. Millennial.
Quote from Tahani
Tahani: I would say I outdid myself, but I'm always this good. So I simply "did myself".
Quote from Eleanor
Eleanor: I don't know if what I'm going to say is going to hurt or help, but screw it. Do you know what's really happening right now? You're learning what it's like to be human. All humans are aware of death. So we're all a little bit sad... all the time. That's just the deal.
Michael: Sounds like a crappy deal.
Eleanor: Well, yeah. It is. But we don't get offered any other ones. And if you try and ignore your sadness, it just ends up leaking out of you anyway. I've been there. And everybody's been there. So don't fight it. In the words of a very wise Bed, Bath, and Beyond employee I once knew... "Go ahead and cry all you want. But you're going to have to pay for that toilet plunger."