Michael Quote #107
Quote from Michael in Team Cockroach
Michael: Vicky thinks that she can run this neighborhood better than I can. And she wants to start her version in 30 minutes. I am supposed to reboot you, erase your memory and turn control over to her.
Chidi: How are we supposed to team up with you if you wipe our memories again?
Michael: Easy. I'm not going to. You're going to act like you've been rebooted and pretend that Vicky and the others are torturing you. But then, on your own time, in private, you can study ethics, ogle mailmen, do whatever you want.
Jason: Can I play iPad?
Michael: Sure you can, buddy.
Jason: Yes.
Michael: Guys, there's no debate here. My boss gave me two chances to make this work. Suffice to say, I tried more than two times. If he finds out, we're all in hot water. Literally. They will boil us. We will be the main ingredient in a chowder of pain.
The Good Place Quotes
‘Team Cockroach’ Quotes
Quote from Michael
Eleanor: If you're not human, why do you look like us?
Michael: Everyone in the Bad Place Bureau of Human Affairs gets randomly assigned a human body so we can get the feel of how best to torture you. I gotta say, it took me a long time to get used to the hanging bits.
Eleanor: Gross.
Michael: Oh, get your mind out of the gutter, Eleanor. I was talking about my testicles.
Quote from Tahani
Chidi: Anyone have any ideas?
Tahani: You know, believe it or not, I actually found myself in a very similar situation a few years ago, except in that instance, Michael was Javier Bardem and the Bad Place was Vanessa Redgrave's panic room.
Eleanor: Okay, stop talking. Do not talk again for 100 hours.
Quote from Jason
Eleanor: What do we do?
Jason: We team up with Michael.
Eleanor: Okay, hot take, but I like your confidence. Tell me why.
Jason: He has a bow tie.
Eleanor: Oh, no.
Jason: I always trust dudes in bow ties. Once, this guy in a bow tie came up to me at the gun range in a Jacksonville bus station and said he'd give me $600 if I put these weird turtles in my duffle bag and brought them to Daytona Beach. So I hotwired a swamp boat to Daytona and the guy paid me the $600. My point is, you always trust dudes in bow ties.
[Eleanor slaps the lollipop out of Jason's mouth]