Michael Quote #106
Quote from Michael in Team Cockroach
Eleanor: You wanna team up? You've been torturing us and lying about it.
Michael: Let's not get all caught up on who lied to who or which one of us created an entire fake reality in order to cause eternal misery for the others. That's ancient history.
Chidi: It was happening until 20 seconds ago.
Michael: The point is that... [everyone steps back as Michael steps forward] circumstances have changed. And now, all of us teaming up is our best option.
Jason: I love being on teams. Oh, we need a team name. Um... the Bobcats.
Michael: Great.
Eleanor: Slow down, ding dong. He wouldn't offer us a deal for no reason. He needs us. Why?
Michael: Because, as you said, you keep beating me. Look, I built this neighborhood as a way to torture the four of you... psychologically... for thousands of years. And you keep figuring it out and taking all the fun out of it.
Chidi: Fun?
The Good Place Quotes
‘Team Cockroach’ Quotes
Quote from Michael
Eleanor: If you're not human, why do you look like us?
Michael: Everyone in the Bad Place Bureau of Human Affairs gets randomly assigned a human body so we can get the feel of how best to torture you. I gotta say, it took me a long time to get used to the hanging bits.
Eleanor: Gross.
Michael: Oh, get your mind out of the gutter, Eleanor. I was talking about my testicles.
Quote from Tahani
Chidi: Anyone have any ideas?
Tahani: You know, believe it or not, I actually found myself in a very similar situation a few years ago, except in that instance, Michael was Javier Bardem and the Bad Place was Vanessa Redgrave's panic room.
Eleanor: Okay, stop talking. Do not talk again for 100 hours.
Quote from Jason
Eleanor: What do we do?
Jason: We team up with Michael.
Eleanor: Okay, hot take, but I like your confidence. Tell me why.
Jason: He has a bow tie.
Eleanor: Oh, no.
Jason: I always trust dudes in bow ties. Once, this guy in a bow tie came up to me at the gun range in a Jacksonville bus station and said he'd give me $600 if I put these weird turtles in my duffle bag and brought them to Daytona Beach. So I hotwired a swamp boat to Daytona and the guy paid me the $600. My point is, you always trust dudes in bow ties.
[Eleanor slaps the lollipop out of Jason's mouth]