Shawn Quote #1
Quote from Shawn in Mindy St. Claire
Shawn: I'm here to preside over case #00003 regarding the soul of Eleanor Shellstrop. The Bad Place has sent Bad Janet to present their argument.
Bad Janet: [appears] What up, ding-dongs? Yeah, so basically, um, the Fake Eleanor's a dirt bag, and these jabronis are gonna try and claim she's less of a dirt bag now, but she just stole your train, and she still sucks bad. And she belongs with us. Oh, also, check this out. [farts] Nailed it. [disappears]
Shawn: I've ruled the fart inadmissible as evidence. What I will consider is the recent development of Eleanor stealing my train.
Michael: Now, hold on a second. She stole your train to voluntarily go down to the Bad Place. She was sacrificing herself because she is a wonderful, selfless... [cocoon closes] No, don't... Oh!
Chidi: What's happening?
Michael: I should have warned you. Shawn only cares about cold hard facts. If he detects any feelings in your voice, he retreats into a cocoon, so what we need to do now is just be very still and very quiet.
Tahani: [Shawn's cocoon starts to open] Finally! [Shawn's cocoon closes]
Chidi: What did he just say?
Tahani: Oh, because you're all so perfect.
The Good Place Quotes
‘Mindy St. Claire’ Quotes
Quote from Shawn
Shawn: Thank you for these testimonials. A ruling has been reached. [everyone gathers] Oh, you want to hear it. I forgot how needy humans are. [clears throat] Eleanor Shellstrop is a bad person. The progress she has made does not offset her actions on Earth. She deserves to be in the Bad Place.
Michael: Oh!
Shawn: As concerning Jason Mendoza, I have heard no statements nor seen any evidence to suggest... oh, he's from Florida? Yeah, he belongs in the Bad Place.
Quote from Janet
Eleanor: Can this train go any faster, Janet? No pressure, but Jason and I will literally be tortured for all of eternity if we get caught.
Janet: Don't worry, there's no way to tell we're going to Mindy St. Clair's house. It'll be our sexy little secret. [off Eleanor's look] Jason taught me about sexy things.
Eleanor: Oh, yeah? What things did he say were sexy?
Janet: Lamborghinis, cool snakes, spinning rims, 20,000 followers on Instagram, girls with pigtails eating lollipops, latex pants, Carl's Jr. ads, and sex.
Eleanor: Eh, some of those are right. [Jason and Janet high-five]
Quote from Eleanor
[flashback:]
Eleanor: "Live every day like it's your last." [scoffs] Bite me. I'ma live forever, bitch.
Cashier: Ma'am? It's $132.21. So, big plans this weekend?
Eleanor: Yep. I'm gonna sit alone in my house watching wedding fails on YouTube, drinking margaritas through a Twizzlers straw until I pass out on top of my vibrator.