Michael Quote #50
Quote from Michael in Most Improved Player
Eleanor: Well, I say we call it a day. I mean, I nailed the questionnaire, and you're swimming in cacti. Can't we just chalk this up to a hilarious mistake and move on?
Michael: No, we can't, Eleanor. There's no such thing as a mistake in this realm. And yet, you are, somehow, a mistake. I mean, you're a giant chunk of spinach in the teeth of the universe. [pulls out a glowing white cube] I need to understand every facet of this disaster. Tell me a lie about yourself. Any lie.
Eleanor: I love the opera. [low tone]
Michael: And now a truth.
Eleanor: I love Women's MMA. [bright tone]
Michael: We don't like to use this. We've never really had a call for it before you, but in the interest of time. Eleanor, did you murder Janet?
Eleanor: No, I did not. [bright tone]
Michael: Do you know who did?
Eleanor: Yes. [bright tone]
Michael: Will you tell me who it was?
Eleanor: No. [bright tone]
Michael: I assume it was one of your friends, and I admire you for protecting him or her. But Eleanor, in the Good Place, there's no room for bad people or bad actions, so anyone involved in the murder of Janet will be reviewed and judged, and there will be consequences.
The Good Place Quotes
‘Most Improved Player’ Quotes
Quote from Tahani
Tahani: I really do have sympathy for your situation. I mean, you thought your soul mate was a good person, and then you learned that she's just an immoral grifter.
Chidi: Tahani, please.
Tahani: Am I wrong? She lied to everyone. She caused a giant sinkhole into which poor Glenn fell. She caused a trash storm. She... Well, she pretended to be my friend when I really needed one. And, lest we forget, she murdered Janet. As far as I'm concerned, the sooner she's gone, the better off we'll all be.
Chidi: I... I understand that Eleanor violated our trust, but please, when you're talking to Michael, try to think about what she's had to go through.
Tahani: All right. I will, for you. But we've been through a lot as well. You know, I haven't been this upset since my good friend Taylor was rudely upstaged by my other friend, Kanye, who was defending my best friend, Beyonce.
Quote from Michael
Michael: Since Janet can't retrieve your file, I need to find another way to determine what kind of person you were. This is a quick litmus test. Handful of questions designed to tell whether you are fundamentally good or bad. Question number one: Did you ever commit a serious crime, such as murder, sexual harassment, arson, or otherwise?
Eleanor: No.
Michael: Did you ever have a vanity license plate, like "MAMASBMW," "LEXUS4LIZ," or "BOOBGUY"?
Eleanor: No.
Michael: Did you ever reheat fish in an office microwave?
Eleanor: Ew, no.
Michael: Have you ever paid money to hear music performed by California funk rock band "The Red Hot Chili Peppers"?
Eleanor: No.
Michael: Did you ever take off your shoes and socks on a commercial airline?
Eleanor: And socks? Ew, who would do that?
Michael: People who go to the Bad Place, Eleanor, that's the point. And unless I can figure out a compelling reason to keep you here, you will spend eternity with murderers, and arsonists, and people who take off their shoes and socks on commercial airlines.
Quote from Jason
Eleanor: Listen up, genius. He's gonna call you in there in a second.
Jason: Don't worry, I got you. I'll just tell Michael you're the bomb and that you got a dope soul and hella ethics.
Eleanor: Oh, boy. No, don't say any of that. Michael has a lie detector in there. It's a... it's a glowing cube.
Jason: Like the AllSpark? From Transformers?
Chidi: Sure, uh, just like the AllSpark from Transformers, and... and he'll know instantly if you're lying about anything so only smiles and nods, got it? [Jason nods]