Michael Quote #42
Quote from Michael in The Eternal Shriek
Michael: Tahani, I'm so sorry. We need to cancel this party immediately.
Tahani: But why?
Michael: For a being like me, retirement... is not something fun.
Chidi: What is "retirement" for you, exactly?
Michael: Well, I wasn't gonna share this so as not to upset you, but it's, a... [sighs] an extreme form of punishment. We call it "The Eternal Shriek." My soul will be disintegrated, and each molecule will be placed on the surface of a different burning sun. And then my... my essence will be scooped out of my body with a flaming ladle and poured over hot diamonds.
Tahani: Oh, but the diamonds sound lovely.
Michael: They're not... And then what's left of my body will be endlessly beaten with a titanium rod, like a...
Tahani: Like a pinata.
Michael: Yes, except you have the string around my waist, but instead it will definitely be around my genitals.
The Good Place Quotes
‘The Eternal Shriek’ Quotes
Quote from Janet
Eleanor: Ugh, you want a robot killed right, you have to do it yourself.
Janet: Eleanor? Eleanor, no, no, no. Please, wait, wait, wait, wait! Eleanor, I have kids. I have three beautiful children... Tyler, Emma, and little, tiny baby Phillip. Look at Tyler. Tyler has asthma, but he is battling it like a champ. Look at him. No, Eleanor, look at them. [growling] Look at them! Look at them!
Eleanor: [yelps] It's so realistic!
Janet: Eleanor, again, I'm not human. This is a stock photo of the crowd at the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards.
Quote from Michael
Michael: Ugh, I'm sorry I was so grumpy. It's just I'm sad that I have to leave before doing all the human things that I wanted to do. I wanted to get my hair wet. You know, I-I wanted to pull a hamstring. To learn the difference between "toward" and "towards." I wanted to do that thing where you walk down the hallway, and someone else is walking the other way, and then you both lean to one side and then the other, and then you both chuckle over your shared foible. I wanted to get a rewards card, any rewards card. I-I wanted to talk briefly to someone and then say, "Take it sleazy." [chuckles softly] I wanted to eat a saltine.
Tahani: Oh! I actually have some saltines. Here, try this.
Michael: [eats] Pretty dry... and too salty. Well, going out on a real low note here. Okay, bye, everyone.
Tahani: Well, take it sleazy.
Michael: You got to say it?
Tahani: Yes, but then you say it back.
Michael: No, it's not organic.
Quote from Janet
Janet: Here we are. Just press that button, and it's good-bye, Janet. [Chidi groans] Chidi, I can see that you're worried, and I just want to assure you, I am not human, and I cannot feel pain.
Chidi: Ah, thank you. That helps.
Janet: However, I should warn you... I am programmed with a fail-safe measure. As you approach the kill switch, I will begin to beg for my life. It's just there in case of an accidental shut down, but it will seem very real.
Eleanor: Cool. So who's doing this, me or you?
Chidi: Uh, well... I think I have to. Um, being a bystander seems worse, somehow. Okay, here we go.
Janet: Chidi, no, no, no! Chidi, please! Please, please, please don't hurt me. I don't want to die! Please, please...
Chidi: Ah!
Janet: Again, I am not human. I can't die. I am simply an anthropomorphized vessel of knowledge built to make your life easier.
Chidi: Your pleading seems so real.
Janet: Oh, yes, it is a very effective fail-safe.