Eleanor Quote #14
Chidi: Let's just face it, Eleanor, you don't belong here.
Eleanor: Well, then this system sucks. What, one in a million gets to live in paradise and everyone else is tortured for eternity? Come on. I mean, I wasn't freaking Gandhi, but I was okay. I was a medium person. I should get to spend eternity in a medium place! Like Cincinnati. Everyone who wasn't perfect but wasn't terrible should get to spend eternity in Cincinnati.
Chidi: Look, apparently it doesn't work that way. I'm sorry, Eleanor, but there's nothing anyone can do.
Eleanor: Unless... there is something we can do. Unless you could teach me.
Chidi: Teach you what?
Eleanor: How to be good. That was your job, right? A professor of ethics? No one knew I was a problem when I arrived. Things only started getting crazy after I was an ash-hole to everyone at the party. [groans] You know I'm trying to say "ash-hole" and not "ash-hole," right?
Chidi: I got that, yes.
Eleanor: Okay, give me a chance. Let me earn my place here. Let me be your ethical guinea pig.
Michael: [o.s.] [knocks on door] Hey, guys! Uh, emergency neighborhood meeting, now!
Eleanor: We'll be right there, Michael! If I walk out of here in these clothes, I'm toast. My soul is in your hands, soul mate. What's it gonna be? [Michael knocks again] [thunder roars]
Chidi: Oh, stomachache.
Quote from Michael
Eleanor: Um, so who was right? I mean about all of this?
Michael: Well, let's see. Hindus are a little bit right, Muslims a little bit. Jews, Christians, Buddhists, every religion guessed about 5%, except for Doug Forcett.
Eleanor: Who... who's Doug Forcett?
Michael: Well, Doug was a stoner kid who lived in Calgary during the 1970s. One night, he got really high on mushrooms, and his best friend, Randy, said, "Hey, what do you think happens after we die?" And Doug just launched into this long monologue where he got like 92% correct. [chuckles] I mean, we couldn't believe what we were hearing. That's him, actually, right up there. He's pretty famous around here. I'm very lucky to have that. [chuckles]
Quote from Eleanor
Chidi: Are you sure this isn't you?
Eleanor: Yeah, man, I'm pretty sure I wasn't a death row lawyer who collected clown paintings and rescued orphans. They got my name right, but nothing else. I mean, somebody royally forked up. Somebody forked up. Why can't I say "fork"?
Chidi: If you're trying to curse, you can't here. I guess a lot of people in this neighborhood don't like it, so it's prohibited.
Eleanor: That's bullshirt.
Quote from Pandemonium
Eleanor: Yes, we will no longer be together. The Bad Place has pulled off the most intricate cork-blork of all time. Hmm, it's a nice touch that the cursing filter maintains the rhyme. I appreciate that attention to detail.
Quote from The Funeral to End All Funerals
Eleanor: Tahani improved so much over her many lives, but she also helped me improve. She taught me lots of stuff, like "Bras shouldn't be painful", and, "You don't buy bras at Home Depot", and "They don't sell bras at Home Depot. What the hell are you wearing?" For the record, it was a men's back support harness, and it worked in a pinch.