Michael Quote #1
Quote from Michael in Everything is Fine
Michael: Eleanor? Come on in. Hi, Eleanor. I'm Michael. How are you today?
Eleanor: I'm great. Thanks for asking. Oh, one question. Where am I? Who are you? And what's going on?
Michael: Right, so, you, Eleanor Shellstrop, are dead. Your life on Earth has ended, and you are now in the next phase of your existence in the universe.
Eleanor: Cool. Cool. I have some questions.
Michael: Thought you might.
Eleanor: How did I die? I-I don't remember.
Michael: Yes, um, in cases of traumatic or embarrassing deaths, we erase the memory to allow for a peaceful transition. Are you sure you want to hear? [Eleanor nods] All right, so you were in a grocery store parking lot. You dropped a bottle of something called "Lonely Gal Margarita Mix for One." And when you bent down to pick it up, a long column of shopping carts that were being returned to the shopping cart collection area rolled out of control and plowed right into you.
Eleanor: Oof. That's how I died?
Michael: No, sorry, there's more. You were able to grab on to the front of the column of shopping carts, but it swept you right out into the street where you were struck and killed by a mobile billboard truck advertising an erectile dysfunction pill called "Engorge-ulate." Funnily enough, the first EMT to arrive was an ex-boyfriend of yours...
Eleanor: Okay, that's... I get it, thank you.
Michael: Oh, okay, sorry.
The Good Place Quotes
‘Everything is Fine’ Quotes
Quote from Michael
Eleanor: Um, so who was right? I mean about all of this?
Michael: Well, let's see. Hindus are a little bit right, Muslims a little bit. Jews, Christians, Buddhists, every religion guessed about 5%, except for Doug Forcett.
Eleanor: Who... who's Doug Forcett?
Michael: Well, Doug was a stoner kid who lived in Calgary during the 1970s. One night, he got really high on mushrooms, and his best friend, Randy, said, "Hey, what do you think happens after we die?" And Doug just launched into this long monologue where he got like 92% correct. [chuckles] I mean, we couldn't believe what we were hearing. That's him, actually, right up there. He's pretty famous around here. I'm very lucky to have that. [chuckles]
Quote from Eleanor
Chidi: Are you sure this isn't you?
Eleanor: Yeah, man, I'm pretty sure I wasn't a death row lawyer who collected clown paintings and rescued orphans. They got my name right, but nothing else. I mean, somebody royally forked up. Somebody forked up. Why can't I say "fork"?
Chidi: If you're trying to curse, you can't here. I guess a lot of people in this neighborhood don't like it, so it's prohibited.
Eleanor: That's bullshirt.
Quote from Eleanor
Chidi: Eleanor. I have spent my entire life in pursuit of fundamental truths about the universe. And now we can actually learn about them together as soul mates. It's overwhelming.
Eleanor: Chidi. You'll stand by my side no matter what, right?
Chidi: Of course I will.
Eleanor: Promise me. Say, "I promise I will never betray you for any reason."
Chidi: Eleanor, I swear that I will never say or do anything to cause you any harm.
Eleanor: Good. Because those aren't my memories. I wasn't a lawyer. I never went to the Ukraine. I hate clowns. There's been a big mistake. I'm not supposed to be here.
Chidi: Wait, what?