Meg: Welcome to the Good Place, everyone.
Drew: Michael, so happy you made it. You look radiant. You have the calming yet authoritative presence of a bomb-sniffing dog.
Michael: I'd just like to say, thank you so much for letting me be here with my friends. I know it's unorthodox for someone like myself to visit the Good Place, but it's just so wonderful, and I don't have any weed on me, so no need for the cops.
Chuck: Michael, Michael. You and your friends are heroes. And you're more than welcome here. In fact, we have some very exciting news.
Annie: While the rest of you get settled in, we want to give Michael a swearing-in ceremony so he can become an official Good Place architect.
Michael: Oh, my goodness.
Chuck: Michael, please, follow us.

Chidi: Do you mind if I go find Hypatia? I-I promise it's strictly platonic. Technically Neoplatonic. [chuckles]
Eleanor: Whoops.
Chidi: Forget I made that joke and come with me. I'm so nervous to meet her, and I need someone cool there to change the subject if I say something dumb.
Eleanor: Sure, give me one sec. Hey, Tahani. This room is filled with some of the most interesting people that ever lived. Chat them up, learn about their lives, then meet back here so that we can make fun of them.
Tahani: Eleanor Shellstrop. I have been training for this day my entire life.

Janet: It's so nice to get to work alongside another Good Janet.
Other Janet: Yes, it is.
Musa: Janet, can I get a Coke? [Other Janet summons a bottle] No, a water. [Other Janet summons a glass] No, a lamp. [Other Janet summons a lamp] No, a cat. [Other Janet summons a cat]
Janet: So, people just ask you for things with no rhyme or reason?
Other Janet: Yes, and then I get them for them. It's great.
Musa: Can I get a spaceship? [Other Janet summons a spaceship] No, one huge Junior Mint. [Other Janet summons a candy] No, a Coke. [Other Janet summons a bottle]

Tahani: Hang on, we're in paradise. Surely, some people here are enjoying themselves.
Jason: Hey, guys. I'm back. Go-karting with monkeys got boring really fast.
Michael: It did?
Eleanor: Oh, no!
Tahani: Damn it!

Michael: [chuckles] Okay. Nothing to do but announce the big change. Whatever happens, it's cool, my babies. It's very cool.
Eleanor: Did you smoke that weed, bud?
Michael: [laughs] I did. I was kind of freaked out, so I smoked some grass, but now I'm great. Let's change the afterlife, and then... Taco Bell.
Eleanor: All right.
Michael: [summons a taco] Oh, baby!
Eleanor: Okay. I'm gonna do the talking.

Jason: It's DJ music, make some noise!
Janet: That's my boyfriend!

Chidi: I'm glad you'll be able to enjoy things again. Art, math, philosophy, like you used to.
Hypatia: Yeah, me too. I've been dreaming of ending the ennui of this eternal existence for a long time, but now I think I'll stick around for a while. It felt good to, uh... make brain words. Still mushy. I'll get it back.
Chidi: We're lucky we ran into you. It saved us.
Hypatia: That's not what saved you. [looks at Eleanor, Tahani and Jason]
Eleanor: Hey!
Jason: Hey!
Hypatia: It was your friendships.
Chidi: Yeah, I know, I got it.
Hypatia: Oh. Sorry. Still not sharp.

Michael: Kept most of it the same. Even made myself an office nearby. Jason, I-I... Kind of took a wild guess.
Jason: I finally get to accomplish my goal of living in a Stupid Nick's! I know anything you do for eternity gets boring, but I swear I will never get sick of wings!
Tahani: Well, I'll see you all tomorrow. And every tomorrow after that.
Eleanor: You know, Michael, at the end of the day, you were right. Everything is fine.