Michael: Hello? Fellow Good Placemen? Anyone in here? "Ideas for improving the Good Place." Oh... "Music you can eat." Oh, boy. "Giant mini doughnuts, not just regular doughnuts. Dave will explain." Dave? Can you explain?

Hypatia: Okay, that's it in a nutshell. 'Cause you get here and you realize that anything's possible, and you do everything, and then you're done. But you still have infinity left. This place kills fun, and passion, and excitement, and love, till all you have left are milkshakes.
Eleanor: The Good Place Committee obviously knew about this. Why didn't they try and solve it?
Michael: They did. They tried everything. Just last week, they made the unicorns bigger, and then they gave them more horns, and then they made them chubbier. I mean, really, they just made a bunch of weird fluffy rhinos. The Committee members aren't human, so they couldn't understand the problem. The second I showed up, they jumped off this sinking ship and made me captain.

Eleanor: Hi, everyone, can I have your attention, please? Hi, my name's Eleanor Shellstrop. Hope you're having fun at our Flor-izona British library extravaganza. [silence] I guess you don't really have fun anywhere, which is the point. It doesn't seem like this is paradise for you. You've basically been on a never-ending vacation, and vacations are only special because they end.
Chidi: So we have an idea. We're gonna set up a new kind of door. Um, somewhere peaceful, so that when you feel happy and satisfied and complete, and you want to leave the Good Place for good, you can just walk through it, and your time in the universe will end.
Tahani: You don't have to go through it if you don't want to, but you can. And hopefully, knowing that you don't have to be here forever will help you feel happier while you are.
Paltibaal: What will happen when we go through it?
Janet: Well, we don't really know, exactly. All we know is, it will be peaceful, and your journey will be over.
Michael: You led great lives. You earned your place here. So stay here as long as you like. Use the Green Doors to see and do every single thing you want to see and do. And when you're ready, walk through one last door, and be at peace. Does that sound good? [crowd cheers]
Eleanor: Seems like they're into it.

Michael: [recording] Attempt number 803 of my new project. This is the one. I can feel it. I'm ready. And here we go. [sings] Riding on a groovy wave of love I'm going for a cosmic ride Surf the freaky purple vibes of love The marshmallow cat Is inside [talks] "The marshmallow cat is inside?" That's what I wrote? That's meaningless. Janet.
Janet: [appears] Hi, there. How's the songwriting going?
Michael: I'm completely lost here, and I can't do the stupid E chord.
Janet: Would you like a magic guitar that plays all the notes for you? It's the number one request among men over 50 who have gotten in here.
Michael: No, the whole point is to learn how to do stuff without using afterlife magic. You know, maybe keep it on deck. I don't know, whatever.
Janet: We should go, by the way. We're gonna be late.
Michael: [chuckles] Oh, where does the time go? [sings] Surfing the freaky purple

Michael: [gasps] All my Earth stuff. Oh, my old bowling ball. Oh, hi, paper clips. What prompted all this?
Eleanor: You know, it took me a while to figure it out, but earlier, when you were walking back and forth through the door, it hit me. You will never be at peace until you get the one thing you truly want.
Michael: I'm... I'm gonna be...
Eleanor: A real boy, Pinocchio.
Janet: The Judge gave me the power to make you an actual human. Good-bye, fire squid. Hello, silver fox.
Michael: Oh, Eleanor! Oh, my goodness!
Eleanor: Now, you need to be sure about this. You're gonna live down there for, like... Some amount of time, you'll die, really die, then you'll enter an afterlife test, be judged on what you did, the whole deal. At least, so we think. While you're down there, this entire system could be changed. Shawn might launch a coup. Someone could design a whole new system. You won't really know what's going to happen to you.
Michael: That's what makes it special. I won't exactly know what's going to happen after I die. Nothing more human than that. Besides texting people that you're five minutes away when you haven't even left the house. Thank you, Eleanor. Thank you.
Eleanor: You're very welcome.

Tahani: How many different versions of this place have we been through?
Michael: Uh, let's see. 802. The longest one was 11 months. Uh, this current one has only been going for one week. Boy, you guys barely know each other. It's gonna make this tough.
Chidi: What's that super tiny line?
Michael: That's the shortest one, eight seconds. It was a butt reboot. I sat on the activator by mistake.

Michael: As you can see, the interior has been decorated just as you like it, in the Icelandic primitive style. Oh, oh, and, uh, of course, you love clowns, so...
Eleanor: I do love clowns.
Michael: Now, let me show you the, uh... the video system here. You can review everything that happened in your life from your point of view. There we go. This is your Human Rights mission to the Ukraine. I mean, you got a ton of points for that one. It really put you over the top.
Eleanor: Oh.
Michael: Chidi, come on in.
Chidi: Eleanor? I'm Chidi Anagonye, and you are my soul mate.
Eleanor: Cool, bring it in, man. [they hug]
Michael: Now, excuse me. I have other people to attend to.

Michael: Thank you, thank you. You all know that I am the architect of this neighborhood. But what you don't know is... Golly, I'm not supposed to tell you this, but, um, oh, what the heck? This is actually the very first neighborhood that I have ever designed. I had been an apprentice for over 200 years, and my boss has finally given me my first solo project. [crowd exclaims] [chuckles] Yes!
Eleanor: [to Janet] Ah, gah-gah... gah-gah-gah. Hold on there, ace. Let me get more of them shrampies.
Chidi: Okay, easy.
Eleanor: What? They're for everybody, right?
Chidi: Yes, exactly.
Michael: And you deserve a perfect world because every single one of you is a good person. That's it for me. Back to you, Tahani.

Tahani: Michael.
Michael: Mm?
Tahani: Is that giant, terrifying ladybug supposed to be there?
Michael: Ah, well, great question, Tahani. No. No, it's not. I have no idea why any of this is happening or how to control it.
Tahani: Should we run away then?
Michael: Yes.
Tahani: Righto.