Eleanor: 30 seconds left.
Michael: Come on.
John: Oh, oh, it's a butterfly! Oh, it's Mariah Carey's lower back butterfly tattoo.
Tahani: Yes! [all cheer and laugh]
Michael: Well done, John. And because you guessed correctly, watch what happens.
John: Oh! I should've gotten that sooner. I wrote my college thesis on that back tattoo.

Eleanor: Welcome, everyone. Janet will be unavailable for a bit. She's undergoing some routine system maintenance.
John: Oh, I know what that means. Eye lift. Maybe an ear tuck.

John: Okay, you call her muffin? I'm getting a lot of breaking news at once here.
Simone: I was gathering evidence. I didn't wanna compromise the integrity of the data collection.
Chidi: Oh, so romantic.
Simone: Here's what I know. Eleanor and Michael are up to something, and it's focused on us.
I mean, there are, like, 300 people in the neighborhood, and somehow they just spend all of their time talking to the six people in this room.
John: Well, I mean, who else are they gonna talk to? Dumb Shorts Cathy? [Brent chuckles]
Chidi: What is your problem with her?
John: I mean, shorts? "Cathy"? What isn't my problem with her?

Simone: Okay, you never told me about this, Ducky.
John: Ducky? I'm gonna have to sit down. This is too much.

Simone: We have to figure out exactly what is going on here. Okay, just... go to the party, but keep your eyes open. I've got a special mission for us.
Chidi: Oh, I...
John: Oh, good. Muffin and Ducky are on the case.

John: Are we really in hell? I mean, I didn't lead a perfect life on Earth, but I worked very hard.
Simone: Making fun of people you'd never even met.
John: Well, I guess you must be right, Simone, because you always have to be. [chuckles] Hey, are you the bottom of a coal-fired pizza?
Simone: Why, 'cause I'm burnt?
John: Gah! You are always right.

Tahani: John, I'm happy you're here with me. This is going to be good for both of us, and I look forward to putting the past behind us and becoming your friend.
John: Oh, my God. You are so cute. You are so cute, it's gross. You disgust me. I love you. Get out of here. I never want to see you again. I love you so much.

Eleanor: Okay, and John, our favorite gossip columnist?
John: [to other party-goers] Luckily, before I died, I pumped my face with six vials of Juvederm. I'm hoping that my corpse looks like a waxed tile floor. My ex-boyf is going to be supes jel. Okay, well, I'm gonna do a loop. Trying to see who gets me.

John: [laughs] I know we already said good-bye. I'm not even here. I just had to see you one last time, because I hooked up with Alexander the Great! And it was more like Alexander the Fine. Okay, anyway, I love you, I love you, good-bye forever.
Tahani: Bye, love!
John: Bye!