Eleanor #6: Chidi, I'm scared.
Chidi-Janet: I know.
Eleanor #6: What am I supposed to be doing right now? I don't remember.
Eleanor #7: I'm having a hard time remembering.
Chidi-Janet: Right. Memories, you need to remember who you are. You're Eleanor Shellstrop from Phoenix, Arizona. [Eleanor keeps transforming] Your favorite meal is shrimp scampi. You listed your emergency contact as Britney Spears as a long-shot way of meeting her, and your favorite movie is that clip of John Travolta saying "Adele Dazeem." You flew halfway around the world because you wanted to be a better person, and it was very brave. You're sharp, and you're strong. You make fun of me a lot. You once called me a human snooze button. But you also showed up in my classroom when I was drowning in despair and canned chili, and you basically saved my life. You have very high self-esteem, and a very low tolerance for men who wear sandals, and your worst nightmare is someone saying something nice about you to your face, but too bad because I need to say it because you deserve it. Because... because...
Eleanor-Janet: Chidi... [they kiss]
[Chidi transforms back into his normal self]
Chidi: [sighs]
Eleanor: [chuckles] Nice work, bud. Did you mean everything you said, or did you just say it because the world was ending?
Chidi: I really want to play this cool, but I'm afraid that I'm going to ruin it if I try to be sexy. I already ruined it. Um, saying the word "sexy" is not sexy... [Eleanor kisses him]

Chidi-Janet: So where are we exactly? We're not on Earth, right?
Janet: That's correct, Chidi-Janet. You're not. Your real bodies dematerialized when you entered my void, and your essences reconstituted themselves in this form.
Chidi-Janet: Cool, cool. And when you say "void"...
Janet: Oh, I mean a sub-dimension outside of space and time at the nexus of consciousness and matter tethered to my essence. Does that help?
Chidi-Janet: It does not help. It makes it way worse. I just want to lie down. Where is down?
Jason-Janet: I found it. It's up here. It's dope.

Michael: Janet's void has a back door to the Janet warehouse in the Neutral Zone, which is right near Accounting. You four will stay here while Actual Janet and I sneak through it and find the Head Accountant.
Tahani-Jacket: But, Michael, why can't we go with you?
Janet: Well, you just died, which means you're the first humans in history to not immediately go to the Good or Bad Place, which, in turn, makes you inter-dimensional fugitives. So that's neat.
Michael: Also, the Judge is probably still pissed at me for, you know, breaking all the rules, and she might take it out on you. Plus, the Bad Place is probably hunting for us, so, literally, the entire universe is against you.
Eleanor-Janet: Okay, but what's a fourth really good reason? Jeez, just trying to lighten the mood... tough void.
Michael: Now, Janet and I will pose as Good Place employees and sweet-talk the Accountant into showing us his books. If I'm right, we will find proof that the Bad Place is tampering with the point system. The Accountant will tell us what to do, and this will all be over. We're almost at the end, guys. Just stay here and keep Janet's heads on straight.

Tahani-Janet: I find this void quite calming, actually. It's like, this time, the Xanax took me.
Chidi-Janet: Oh, I have the worst stomachache.
Eleanor-Janet: Dude, relax. Here, let me see if I can figure this out. [Eleanor summons a puppy]
Chidi-Janet: Oh, wow, Eleanor! How'd you do that?
Eleanor-Janet: I don't know. We're Janets now. So I thought we'd have some bitchin' Janet powers.
Janet: [appears] What just happened? What did you do?
Eleanor-Janet: Sorry, I'm just trying to help Chidi calm down...
Janet: The structural integrity of this void is already at risk. You can't start randomly conjuring up objects, or it might shatter the void. [cutesy talk to the puppy] Yes, it might. It might make everything blow up, and we'll all disappear forever. Mwah. So stop it!

Michael: Everything okay?
Janet: Nope. [gives thumbs up]
Michael: Well...
Neutral Janet: The Head Accountant has decided to see you. This will happen now. End of conversation.

Neil: Hey-o! [chuckles] There they are. Good to see you. Sorry to keep you waiting. I'm Neil, Head Accountant. You must be Janet and Michael?
Michael: Yes.
Neil: [chuckles] Can I just say, I really depreciate you coming. [silence] Uh? A little bit of accounting humor.
Michael: Ah.
Neil: Yeah. So what can I do for you?
Michael: Well, I'm concerned about certain anomalies in the point system. I'm worried that, somehow, the Bad Place has been tampering.
Neil: Tampering? No, no, no. Quite impossible. Laughable, really. Janet, can you remind me to laugh at that later?
Neutral Janet: Your amusement has been scheduled. End of conversation.
Neil: She's a lot of fun.
Michael: Could you just humor us, though? Show us how the system works?
Neil: Uh, well, I suppose I could give you a quick tour. We don't get a lot of visitors. Follow me.

Chidi-Janet: Eleanor, how'd you know I always wanted a dog like this?
Eleanor-Janet: Funny story, it's one of the things I saw in the alternate timeline, where we were soul mates on and off for 300 years. Maybe we should talk about that?
Chidi-Janet: Well, I suppose we can, but there's not that much to talk about. The things you saw weren't part of my life, so they didn't happen to me.
Eleanor-Janet: What the hell are you talking about, man? Of course it was you. I saw it.
Chidi-Janet: Well, it was a Chidi, sure, but it wasn't me Chidi. This is a classic philosophical question. The concept of the self, or who we are. Philosophically speaking, there's the Chidi I am, who lived a certain life, and there's the Chidi you saw, your soul mate or whatever, who had some entirely different life. They're not the same Chidis.
Eleanor-Janet: [chuckles] I'm so sorry. Yeah, no, I get it. Counterpoint... that's the dumbest thing you've ever said, and you do not deserve a puppy! I'm un-blooping your puppy!
[When Eleanor tries to un-summon the puppy, more puppies appear. She tries again and even more appear.]
Eleanor-Janet: Things are getting cuter, and I want them to get less cute!

Chidi-Janet: So, in essence, Hume thought that we don't truly have a self. We're just a bundle of our ever-changing impressions.
Eleanor-Janet: Just admit it, man. You're embarrassed you fell in love with an Arizona trash bag.
Chidi-Janet: Eleanor, it's not personal. Someone fell in love with you. It's just not me.

Janet: You need to hurry. My molecular essence is fragmenting, and it's giving me the worst headache.
Michael: Okay, here's a question. If Doug Forcett's not getting in, who is? Let's look at one more file. Someone who... who's gotten into the Good Place this year.
Neil: All right, why don't we look at... No one. No one got in.
Michael: No one's gotten in for a year?
Neil: Correct.
Michael: How about the last three years?
Neil: All right, uh, boo-doo-doo... Uh, no one.
Michael: When was the last time someone got in?
Neil: The last time someone got enough points to get into the Good Place was... 521 years ago.

Eleanor-Janet: Yo, homey. You and Eleanor were fighting before, and I couldn't help but overhear. Hey, if we hear with our ears, why is it called "butt overhearing"? Bro, if you don't like her, you should just tell her.
Chidi-Janet: [sighs] It's not about whether I like Eleanor. I got into philosophy to try to make sense of a world that almost never makes sense. And that was before I learned that I died and then un-died and then re-died. I just can't take one more thing. It's too much.
Eleanor-Janet: I'm going to tell you a story. Back in Jacksonville, there was this guy in my 80-person dance crew named Stank Toby.
Chidi-Janet: Hang on. It was a 60-person dance crew.
Eleanor-Janet: Um... Oh, dip! What are numbers?
Chidi-Janet: You're not Jason-Janet. You're Eleanor-Janet pretending to be Jason-Janet. That is so wrong and so confusing!
Eleanor-Janet: What was I supposed to do, man? You wouldn't talk to me. This seemed like the only option.
Jason-Janet: [high-pitched voice] Hi, Chidi, I'm Eleanor. I'm Arizona shrimp horny.
Eleanor-Janet: That's not what I sound like, Jason. Get out of here.