Simone: Okay, wherever we are, I do not wanna be here when the clock hits zero, okay? Now might be our only chance to escape.
Chidi: Not without Brent.
John: Do you think if the roles were reversed, he would waste any time rescuing you?
Chidi: Maybe. If Elle Macpherson were nearby and he wanted to impress her or if he thought that I was a prince he could ransom... That's not the point. He is a person in a hole. I have a duty to help him get out. What he would do is irrelevant.
Simone: I don't think it is. If you do a science experiment a thousand times and always get the same results, you move on. We've given Brent a thousand chances to be a good person. In one of them, he was so awful, you punched him in the face.
Chidi: Okay, but when I did that, I thought cutting him out of our group meant that he would have to find another place in heaven to hang out. That's changed. I can't just leave him.
Simone: Well, I respect your position.
Chidi: I respect yours.
John: Look, I know everything's really scary right now, but I just have to say it. That was the most boring breakup I've ever seen.

Simone: I've been suspicious about this place since day one. Over the last few months, I've been collecting data, and now I am positive, something is truly forked up.
Chidi: You didn't tell me about any of this, muffin.

Simone: There's nothing here. Did you find anything?
Chidi: Just some song lyrics that Michael wrote. "Here's a trippy little ditty 'bout a train to Groovy City. Open up your freaky crystal mind and we'll have a cosmic good time."
Simone: See, that makes me think we're in hell.

Michael: That movie, minus the part where Eleanor gives away the entire experiment, will play before the party tonight.
Tahani: Speaking of which, the theme is "One Year Down, Infinity to Go." Dress is London black tie. That means Knightsbridge black tie, not Kensington or, heaven forbid, West Brompton. [laughs] Can you imagine?
Jason: [chuckling] No.

Janet: Also, just after midnight, in order to reset my processing power, I will be violently eating my Janet babies. I'd advise no one look directly at me.

Janet: It's a good plan, Michael. Hopefully they've bonded enough as a group to rescue Brent, call me, get a train, and all head out of here together.
Michael: But was it a mistake to have Brent fall in? We could have had Chidi fall in, right? Or a cute baby panda. Or maybe, you know, like, a box of doughnuts? Everyone loves doughnuts.

Eleanor: [on video] As you reach the end of your first year in the afterlife, what do you remember most? The everlasting friendships you made? The adversity you overcame together? The day everything was chocolate?
Jason: That day was awesome. I had a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. It was all chocolate.
Michael: Shh, shh, shh.
Eleanor: [on video] You only have a few hours left in your first year, so why not do as many amazing good deeds for other people as you possibly can by midnight? Just in case.
Eleanor: I know. I know. All right, I'll take it out. I'm a little tired, okay? Lay off.

Eleanor: So tonight at the party, we're gonna go for one more point grab. I'm gonna suggest that they make toasts about each other, celebrate their ups and downs, demonstrate personal growth, blah, blah, blah, humanity is saved. [all chuckling] One more day, guys. Let's finish strong.
Michael: And to that end, as you might know, I've been practicing human magic. Oh. [pulls a coin from behind Jason's ear] Ta-da.
Jason: Dope. [laughs]
Michael: So I was thinking...
Eleanor: No, the Magnificent Dr. Presto is not performing tonight.
Michael: Come on, I...
Eleanor: Dude, magic is always lame. But it's especially lame here, where there's actual magic.
Michael: As a counterargument, check your pocket. The other one. Oh, shoot, sorry. It's my pocket. Ta-da.
Jason: Dope.

Brent: Hey, gang. Had a pretty good round today. Better close this door. I don't want all those birdies to follow me in here. [laughs] [throws sweaty t-shirt at Chidi]
Chidi: Why?
John: Okay, Brent, hurry up and change so we can get to the party.
Brent: Oh, right, hang on. Uh, Janet gave me this. Tuxedo in a can. [can pops] Ooh, you know, I came this close to firing Janet, but she's gotten a lot better.

Simone: Okay, we're not leaving yet. I need to show you all something. This is the result of months of observation. Now, I know you're gonna think I'm crazy.
John: No, why would we think that?
Simone: But there is something wrong with this neighborhood. And it involves the people in this room.