Eleanor: No way. My entire house could fit in this room.
Chidi: Okay, uh... help me out here. Tell me one good thing that you did on Earth, just one truly kind and decent act so that I can feel better about helping you out.
Eleanor: Uh...
Chidi: Let's forget about good. Um, just tell me something neutral about yourself. Like, tell me about the day before you died. What do you remember?
[flashback:]
Joe: Hi, there. Do you have a second to talk about the environment?
Eleanor: Do you have a second to eat my farts? [throws disposable coffee cup on the ground]
Joe: You missed.
Eleanor: Pick it up if you're so horny for the environment.

Michael: As you can see, the interior has been decorated just as you like it, in the Icelandic primitive style. Oh, oh, and, uh, of course, you love clowns, so...
Eleanor: I do love clowns.
Michael: Now, let me show you the, uh... the video system here. You can review everything that happened in your life from your point of view. There we go. This is your Human Rights mission to the Ukraine. I mean, you got a ton of points for that one. It really put you over the top.
Eleanor: Oh.
Michael: Chidi, come on in.
Chidi: Eleanor? I'm Chidi Anagonye, and you are my soul mate.
Eleanor: Cool, bring it in, man. [they hug]
Michael: Now, excuse me. I have other people to attend to.

Michael: Tahani and Jianyu are having a little welcome party tonight, and they've invited the entire neighborhood.
Tahani: I simply adore entertaining. Don't I just adore it, Jianyu? [Jianyu nods] Oh, um, yes, by the way, Jianyu here is a Buddhist monk, you see? And he obeys a strict code of silence. So when you see him smiling and nodding, that's actually his way of jumping up and down with glee. Isn't that right, darling? [Jianyu nods] So we'll see you tonight?
Eleanor: Great.
Chidi: Yes.

Michael: Thank you, thank you. You all know that I am the architect of this neighborhood. But what you don't know is... Golly, I'm not supposed to tell you this, but, um, oh, what the heck? This is actually the very first neighborhood that I have ever designed. I had been an apprentice for over 200 years, and my boss has finally given me my first solo project. [crowd exclaims] [chuckles] Yes!
Eleanor: [to Janet] Ah, gah-gah... gah-gah-gah. Hold on there, ace. Let me get more of them shrampies.
Chidi: Okay, easy.
Eleanor: What? They're for everybody, right?
Chidi: Yes, exactly.
Michael: And you deserve a perfect world because every single one of you is a good person. That's it for me. Back to you, Tahani.

Eleanor: Your English is amazing.
Chidi: Oh! I'm actually speaking French. This place just translates whatever you say into a language the other person can understand. So... it's incredible.
Eleanor: Whoa.

Eleanor: Michael? Hi. What have you been up to?
Michael: Eleanor, Chidi, I would like you to meet Tahani and Jianyu. They are soul mates and your next-door neighbors.
Tahani: Hello. Can I just say I love your house? It's just so tiny and cute. It's like a little child's plaything, like for a family of mice or for a very fancy little dog. I love it. It's just so sweet and teensy. Just like you. Boop.
Eleanor: Oh.
Michael: Oh.
Eleanor: You booped me. [laughs]
Tahani: I did.
Eleanor: That's fun.

Tahani: Michael.
Michael: Mm?
Tahani: Is that giant, terrifying ladybug supposed to be there?
Michael: Ah, well, great question, Tahani. No. No, it's not. I have no idea why any of this is happening or how to control it.
Tahani: Should we run away then?
Michael: Yes.
Tahani: Righto.

Eleanor: Chidi, Chidi! What's going on? Why are there giant animals everywhere? Do you hear Ariana Grande playing? Why is everyone wearing blue and yellow?
Chidi: You're not. You're... you're the only one who's not. Eleanor, this is all happening because of you.
Eleanor: Ah, fork me.