Bad Janet: Ugh. Get me down from here, you tiny butthole. Ow!
Derek: Thank you for keeping me safe from my sexy bad girl sister-aunt.
Bad Janet: Eww.
Derek: I know that I've caused you a lot of trouble in the past... classic Derek. But from now on, I'm here to help.
Eleanor: I'd feel a lot more confident if you weren't holding a champagne glass full of Scrabble letters, but you're all we got. You can keep the neighborhood running, right?
Derek: Well, I wasn't technically designed for this, but to be fair... [chuckles] I wasn't designed for anything.

Jason: Uh, Michael? I'm scared.
Michael: Me too, bud.
Jason: I mean, what if all this time apart has changed me and Janet's relationship? What if that special connection is gone?
Michael: Yeah. I mean, for me, it's scary that we're standing in the birth place of evil surrounded by billions of demons who want to destroy us.
Jason: Hmm, I guess we both have things we're scared about.

Tahani: Um, Simone, where's Chidi?
Simone: He decided to just stay at home and read. He said swimming in lakes scares him. To be fair, most things scare him.
Tahani: Well, never fear, you all stay and enjoy the full-sized sandwiches. I shall go and fetch Chidi. [chuckles] Tahani is on the job.

Jason: Perv 'stache, four-eyes, bee monster. Whoa, is that you?
Michael: Technically, yes. That's a version of me I no longer recognize. Behind that handsome smile was so much cruelty, so much pain inflicted on so many, with such glee. Shameful. What echoes of this former self await me here?
Jason: I feel you. It was always for me hard to go back to my old high school. So many memories. Also the junkyard machine crushed it into tiny cubes.
Michael: If we get out of here alive, remind me to re-erase your teen years.

Shawn: All right, idiots, this is our 52 of the 4,000-hour presentation on the future of torture.
Jason: He's gonna be on stage for 4,000 hours?
Michael: Shh.
Jason: Here's what I think. We should throw a Molotov...
Michael: Jason!
Jason: What? I didn't say cocktail. I could've meant Molotov anything. You don't know.

Shawn: What are you doing here, Vicky? You're early, and do you ever take that suit off? It smells terrible.
Michael: It does?
Shawn: No need to be alarmed. I know this might look like Michael, the traitorous slampig. However, this is actually our very own Vicky wearing the latest in demon technology. A custom-made lookalike skin suit. Spin around for us, would you, hon? As you are all aware, our current system suffers from diminishing returns. Sure, the first time someone gets butthole spiders, he's miserable. But soon the humans get used to it, and worse, the spiders get bored. These personalized skin suits represent the dawn of a new era: Torture 2.0.

Eleanor: That was insane, but we got through it together.
Tahani: No, we didn't. You got through it. I almost ruined it a hundred times. From now on, I'm just gonna stick to throwing parties 'cause it's the only thing I'm good at. [Eleanor scoffs and fake sobs] Hey! What?
Eleanor: When I said throw a party, I didn't mean a pity party.
Tahani: This isn't a pity party. I'm genuinely sad. The only thing I can do is throw pointless parties. You run the entire neighborhood. You're so capable. I have seen you get stuck in any manner of crazy situation, and you always figure a way out.
Eleanor: Yeah, man, because I have had to scrape and claw my way through life, and you grew up in a castle full of diamond lamps and golden pillow cases. You never learned how to think on your feet. Look, if the roles were reversed and I had to throw a fancy party to save all of humanity, I promise we'd be screwed because I wouldn't know what salad fork to put next to the... whatever spoon.
Tahani: The Whatever Spoon is really only used for certain festive jellies.
Eleanor: See? Babe, the dodos in that house are literally the four most important human beings in the universe. I wanted you to take care of them because I trust you. Plus, your parties aren't pointless. They're opportunities for them to bond and form friendships. You know, the thing we need them to do so we're not all tortured forever?
Tahani: You're right, and thank you. But if we ever get through this, I want to learn how to do something meaningful. A real skill. Something helpful and fulfilling.
Eleanor: Okay, man, if we survive this, I promise I will support you while you learn to weld or whatever. Deal?
Tahani: Deal.

Janet: [blows up tunnel] That ought to stop them from following us.
Michael: So smart. Nice to have you back, Janet.
Janet: It must've been hard for you to go back there.
Michael: It was. I don't like thinking about who I used to be.
Jason: Listen, Michael, it's okay to feel or plead guilty about bad things you used to do, but you don't have to feel shame about who you were because you are not a demon anymore. You're just like a nice weird happy old dude.

Janet: Thanks for rescuing me. I missed you so much.
Jason: I missed you too. Bad Janet was so mean to me. She told me so many lies. Like she said the Jags cut Blake Bortles. Can you believe that?
Janet: Oh, no. Jason, that wasn't a lie. Blake Bortles was cut by the Jaguars.
Jason: What? How? Why? Who's their QB now?
Janet: A man named Nick Foles.
Jason: Nick Foles? Are you kidding me? He won a Super Bowl! We're gonna be unstoppable! Foles!
Janet: Foles!
Michael: Foles!
Janet: Oh, no. Nick Foles just broke his clavicle.
Jason: Nooo!

Eleanor: Oh, hey, Wanda. Everything okay?
Wanda: Barg-de-barg-de-barg-de-barg.
Eleanor: Come again? [Wanda gets in Eleanor's face] Whoa.
Wanda: Barg-de-barg-de-barg-de-barg.
Eleanor: Derek!
Derek: [appears] Oh, hey! So, uh, things are not going well.
Eleanor: You said you could handle this!
Derek: Yeah, well, it turns out being a single father to 300 kids is not that easy, Eleanor.