Chidi: Hey, thanks for not telling anyone about Jason.
John: Oh, well, ever since I arrived here, Tahani helped me realize that gossip was an unhealthy way for me to boost my self-esteem. But on the other hand, this Jason tea needs to be spilled.
Chidi: Just try to remember what Immanuel Kant said. It is your duty to keep your friend's secrets.
John: But my favorite philosopher, Bethenny Frankel, would say that I have a duty to "mention it all!", and "if you can't handle the truth, then you can't handle me!"
Chidi: And once again, I beg you, please listen to Emmanuel Kant and not Bethenny Frankel.
John: Ah, well, I gotta goss about something. What about a few blind items that I picked up around the neighborhood? You wanna know who wears the same dumb shorts every day?
Chidi: No, I don't.
John: It's Dumb Shorts Cathy.