Michael: All along, I've only been looking at one Doug, but there's millions of Dougs in here. [bleeping] In 1534, Douglass Wynegar of Hawkhurst, England, gave his grandmother roses for her birthday. He picked them himself, walked them over to her, she was happy... boom, 145 points. Now... Yeah, here we go. In 2009, Doug Ewing of Scaggsville, Maryland, also gave his grandmother a dozen roses, but he lost four points. Why? Because he ordered roses using a cell phone that was made in a sweatshop. The flowers were grown with toxic pesticides, picked by exploited migrant workers, delivered from thousands of miles away, which created a massive carbon footprint, and his money went to a billionaire racist CEO who sends his female employees pictures of his genitals. Whoo!
Tahani: That is a very odd thing to cheer.
Michael: Don't you understand? The Bad Place isn't tampering with points; they don't have to. Because every day the world gets a little more complicated, and being a good person gets a little harder. Gather the others. We have a lot to do.
Tahani: But we didn't really deal with my thing... [Michael exits] Okay, I'll just figure it out.