Michael: What you're doing here, how you're living your life, just so wonderful. But can I maybe give you just a little advice?
Doug Forcett: I know... I should donate more blood. I'll try, but the last time I went down there they said I was so anemic, they ended up giving me blood.
Michael: No, look, look. Um... I've been a reporter for a long time, Doug. Met all sorts of people. Traveled all over this crazy blue marble. Meeting regular folks. Every face tells a story, Doug. Why, I'd say that those so-called regular folks often turn out to be not so regular after all.
Janet: Michael.
Michael: Sorry. The point is, I have never met anyone so dedicated to making other people and snails happy. [Doug chuckles] If what you're saying is true about the afterlife, then you must have earned more than enough points by now. So, loosen up, bud. Have a little fun. Eat something besides lentils.
Doug Forcett: Like radishes?
Michael: No, no, Doug. Dammit. Just have ice cream or chicken parm. Live your life. You know, travel. Drink regular water that wasn't inside you. Okay? Just relax.
Doug Forcett: Thank you, Michael. But no. I can't do any of those things.
Michael: Why not?
Doug Forcett: Because I can't risk it. There's an accountant out there somewhere measuring the value of everything I do. What if I relax and do something that loses me just enough points to keep me out of the Good Place and I'm tortured for eternity? No, I have to make every moment count. It's the only rational way to live. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to walk to Edmonton to give $85 to a snail charity.