Chidi: Let's just face it, Eleanor, you don't belong here.
Eleanor: Well, then this system sucks. What, one in a million gets to live in paradise and everyone else is tortured for eternity? Come on. I mean, I wasn't freaking Gandhi, but I was okay. I was a medium person. I should get to spend eternity in a medium place! Like Cincinnati. Everyone who wasn't perfect but wasn't terrible should get to spend eternity in Cincinnati.
Chidi: Look, apparently it doesn't work that way. I'm sorry, Eleanor, but there's nothing anyone can do.
Eleanor: Unless... there is something we can do. Unless you could teach me.
Chidi: Teach you what?
Eleanor: How to be good. That was your job, right? A professor of ethics? No one knew I was a problem when I arrived. Things only started getting crazy after I was an ash-hole to everyone at the party. [groans] You know I'm trying to say "ash-hole" and not "ash-hole," right?
Chidi: I got that, yes.
Eleanor: Okay, give me a chance. Let me earn my place here. Let me be your ethical guinea pig.
Michael: [o.s.] [knocks on door] Hey, guys! Uh, emergency neighborhood meeting, now!
Eleanor: We'll be right there, Michael! If I walk out of here in these clothes, I'm toast. My soul is in your hands, soul mate. What's it gonna be? [Michael knocks again] [thunder roars]
Chidi: Oh, stomachache.