Michael: Everyone, gather around, please. Brent has something that he'd like to say.
Brent: [sighs] Okay. Regarding my critically-acclaimed novel, I am very sorry if you were offended. Okay?
Simone: Not an apology.
Brent: Yes, it was. Okay, fine. I'm sorry if what I wrote, which was perfectly okay, somehow made you feel like it wasn't okay. But you know what? That's on you.
Michael: Brent. Wrong direction, bud.
Simone: No, sorry, man. Either apologize for real or stop wasting our time.
Brent: Okay, you know what? I'm actually not sorry at all. How about that? Is that what you wanna hear?
Eleanor: Very obviously not. You know what? Why don't we take a break? Let's all get a snack.
Brent: Not until they give me the complos I rightly deserve.
Tahani: You want a complo? I'll give you a complo. I didn't think it was possible to write a book as awful as yours. I literally didn't think human beings were capable of such racist, sexist poppycock! Also, Chip Driver is either a private eye or the quarterback for the Chicago Bears, or the "world's strongest president." He cannot be all three!

Michael: That was an hour ago. Right before I came here to see you for the last time. For months, you and I have been debating. Are people good or bad? But as I watched those three people pick themselves up and dust themselves off, I realized we've been asking the wrong question. What matters isn't if people are good or bad. What matters is if they're trying to be better today than they were yesterday. You asked me where my hope comes from. That's your answer.
Bad Janet: What are you doing?
Michael: Sending you home. I'm not marbelizing you, Janet. I'm letting you go. I tried to win you over to our side, and it hasn't worked. So keeping you as a prisoner just seems cruel. Letting you go home is how I've decided to be a little better today than I was yesterday. Here's your phone. And a parting gift.
Bad Janet: Oh, sweet, is that Brent's book?
Michael: No, I didn't have any cash on me, so I couldn't get you a copy. This is a manifesto detailing everything that's happened with the humans. Janet and I wrote it a while back. She's been updating it as we go. I hope you'll read it.
Bad Janet: Great thinking. People that get books as gifts always read them. Bye!
[After Bad Janet leaves, Michael sprays Lysol]

Simone: Well, I admit it. I was wrong. That was so fun.
Chidi: Yeah. I mean, I couldn't actually go skiing because moving at an angle terrifies me. But that lodge had so many reading nooks. Just everywhere you look, a nook!

Brent: Congrats again on the gin rummy win. I thought I was gonna take you down because I used to play all the time back in college.
Simone: Oh, you went to Rutgers, right?
Brent: No, I went to Princeton.
Simone: Yeah, I know. I'm messing with you.
Brent: [chuckles] Nice one! Hey, you were joking though, right? You know it's Princeton?

Eleanor: Okay, team, well done. They're all kind of killing it, but Brent has definitely made the most progress.
Jason: Yeah, when Simone beat him at cards, he didn't flip the table and storm off. He just stormed off. That's big!
Tahani: Well, we still don't know if he's really changed or if he's just trying to get into Super-Heaven.
Michael: But his behavior is changing. Remember, that's the road map. First, we change the behavior. Then, we work on motivation.
Eleanor: And now... The moment you've all been waiting for. The Humanity Savior of the Week goes to... Jason!
Jason: Yes!
Eleanor: Keep up the amazing work with Chidi. And the award for Hottest Savior of the Week goes to... Eleanor Shellstrop! Thank you, I accept.
Michael: I never win Hottest.
Eleanor: I don't know what to tell you, man. Maybe do some squats? Pop that booty a little bit?

Michael: It was a real high point. The ski trip, I mean. Not the completely rigged hotness contest. All in all, it was the best we'd ever felt about the experiment. And then, Brent did something... very Brentian.
Bad Janet: Who could have predicted that?
[flashback:]
Brent: Oh, hey, ski bunnies! So, great news. I wrote a book. And since you're my nerdiest friends, you get to be the first to read it.
Chidi: "Six Feet Under Par: A Chip Driver Mystery."
Brent: Yeah, it's half spy novel, half murder mystery. It's also half submarine adventure, half erotic memoir, and half political thriller. It's also half golf tutorial and half commentary on society.
Simone: So it's 3 1/2 books in one?
Brent: At least. So read it ASAP. I'm having a book-signing party and I want you to introduce me. You know, talk about how great it is.
Simone: Oh.
Brent: Party's in two days, so chop-chop.

Simone: Tahani, cancel your plans. We're gonna split a bottle of wine and read Brent's terrible novel out loud.
Tahani: Oh, dear. Perhaps we shouldn't make fun. He did seem nicer on the ski trip. He made us all s'mores. Though, to be fair, he did also claim to have invented them.
Simone: Before you defend him, you might want to check out Chip Driver's love interest.
Tahani: Oh, no.

Chidi: Not the best argument, but you're right. What is something spontaneous that I can do right now? Let's come up with a list of ten possibilities and then slowly whittle it down over the next four days.
Jason: Better idea: let's dance, baby. Huh? Get you out of your head. This is how we defeat Igby, the no-fun nerd. [both dance]
Chidi: Oh. Look at old Igby move!
Jason: There you go.
Chidi: Yeah, I've never heard this before. Who is it?
Jason: Me, I wrote it. The song is called, "I'll Love You Forever (Make that Booty Bounce in the Bath)". Oh, fun fact: the police sirens in the background are real. I was being chased as I recorded it.
Chidi: Okay, okay! Oh, no.
John: Oh, my Gaga.

Michael: So, John had just accidentally discovered the truth about Jason. Keeping a secret like this is exactly the kind of thing that John struggled with on Earth. Or to put it in terms you'll understand, the gossip toilet was about to overflow.
Bad Janet: Oh, I do understand that now. Thank you.

Simone: "Chip Driver pulled up to the murder site in his 1968 Cadillac. 'Keep it close' he growled to the valet, Luis. 'Of course, Senor,' said Luis, who secretly admired Chip more than even his own father."
Tahani: "Chip gazed at the sexy outline of the murder victim on the floor. 'What a waste of curves,' he growled. He checked his Rolex watch, which was real. It was almost golf o'clock, so the case would have to wait. Good thing he'd already solved it. The killer was Luis, the valet."
Simone: He solves the murder on page ten. What is the rest of this book about?