Rose: I'm gonna call the repairman.
Sophia: I already did. He said he'd be over in 15 minutes. That was three hours ago.
Blanche: Well, let's break out the ice cream. What's this?
Sophia: I froze my underwear to stay cool. I'd lend you a pair, but on you I'm afraid they'd melt too fast.

Rose: I'm gonna go to my room and write down my achievements. You know, it doesn't matter whether I win.
I mean, just being nominated is enough.
Blanche: That's a good attitude, Rose.
Rose: It's also a crock of bull. I want that sucker bad.

Dorothy: This is Fred. He's here to fix the air conditioning.
Blanche: Thank God. This heat's driving me crazy.
Fred: You're not the only one. The old lady next door is running through a sprinkler in her underwear.
Dorothy: There's no old lady living- Ma!

Dorothy: Poor Rose. I hate seeing her so upset.
Blanche: She's just not very good at judging herself. She can't see all her accomplishments the way we can.
Dorothy: You know something, maybe all this résumé needs is just a little punching up.
Blanche: You mean, exaggerate the truth? Create wild and colorful stories just to impress people? Dorothy, you can't do that.
Dorothy: Oh, I know.
Blanche: That's my specialty.

Blanche: Alright, let's see here. "Found a baby robin that fell out of its tree and returned it to its nest." Make that a baby eagle. Yeah.
Dorothy: "Baby ea-gle."
Blanche: And it happened during a big rainstorm.
Dorothy: "Rains".
Blanche: Which caused a mighty flood that covered all the land.
Dorothy: Oh, come on. Blanche, nobody in his right mind is gonna believe this story.
Blanche: This is going to St. Olaf.
Dorothy: "Which caused a mighty flood"

Len: I'm Len, this is Sven and this is Ben. We are the Toppelkoffer triplets.
Dorothy: How odd. You don't look anything alike.
Sven: Oh, really? Well, back in St. Olaf, nobody could tell us apart.
Ben: You can imagine all the fun we had playing tricks on our teachers in school.
Sophia: Which of you brothers has custody of the brain?

Dorothy: Make yourselves comfortable. Sorry it's hot. And here we are in the middle of a heat wave with no air conditioning.
Len: Not necessarily. If Rose wins, you'll be flown to St. Olaf to attend the ceremony.
Dorothy: Well, this year I was planning to watch it on TV.

Pilot: [over P.A.] Ladies and gentlemen, the fasten-your-seatbelts sign is now off. If anyone knows how to fix it, please report to the flight attendant.
Blanche: I don't get it. Why did we get off that lovely jetliner in Minneapolis and switch to this rickety old thing?
Rose: Because the jets are too big to land at St. Gustave.
Dorothy: St. Gustave? I thought we were flying to St. Olaf.
Rose: Well, St. Olaf doesn't have an airport. The only way you can get to St. Olaf is to fly to St. Gustave and then take land transportation to St. Olaf. Even the birds do it that way when they migrate.
Dorothy: I don't believe this.
Rose: Could be worse. We could be going to Beaver Falls.
Man: Beaver Falls? That's my stop. [pulls a red ribbon, opens the cabin door and parachutes out]

Dorothy: Where's Ma?
Rose: Oh, my God, no. The curse of the Zumbro Falls tunnel.
Blanche: Sophia!
Dorothy: Ma!
Sophia: What?
Dorothy: Ma, where are you? Are you all right? [toilet flushes]
Sophia: I am now.

Rose: Look at that beautiful sky. That's one of the most wonderful things about being here.
Dorothy: It is beautiful.
Blanche: It is so clear it looks like you could just reach up and touch those stars.
Rose: I can't tell you how many people in St. Olaf have fallen off their roofs trying.