Blanche: Well, I am Blanche Devereaux, nee Hollingsworth, of Atlanta, daughter of Curtis Hollingsworth and Samantha Roquet of Augusta and Shreveport, daughter of- I can't do it. I- Daughter of Feldman. I'm a Feldman, damn it. Of Buffalo. [all gasp] Oh, ladies, now, please, I beg of you. Let us put aside our ancient prejudices and change these rules. Oh, ladies, let my people in.

Blanche: Oh, Dorothy, good, I'm glad you're here. I want you to help me go through these papers I sent for. They're to authenticate my family tree.
Dorothy: Oh.
Blanche: Well, tomorrow I have to present it out loud at the "Daughters of the Old South" initiation banquet.
Dorothy: Oh, Blanche, you're not really gonna go through with this, are you?
Blanche: Well, indeed I am. This club is a link to the proudest of all heritages. I remember, growin' up in Atlanta, how all of us girls used to pretend to be Confederate belles, and we'd receive gentleman callers. Got to be like a competition. In fact, I once received seven callers in one evening.
Dorothy: I'm just thinking out loud, but isn't Atlanta where the Center for Disease Control is?
Blanche: Coincidence.

Dorothy: Oh, honey, I hope you're not too upset about not fitting in with those dreadful people today.
Blanche: Those small-minded peckerwoods aren't real Southerners. I am a real Southerner. Real Southerners are compassionate people. They're wise and gentle, and they sit around on porch swings, regaling with stories of Abraham and Moses and all the other people who worked on the plantation.

Rose: Isn't there anything you can do, Barbara?
Barbara: I suppose I could do this. All right, Cheeseman, you're under arrest.
Rose: You told us you didn't have a gun. You lied.
Barbara: To a bad guy. It's OK to lie to a bad guy.
Rose: You see that? There's so many things we, as the public, don't understand.

Sophia: Well, I'm off.
Dorothy: That would be my diagnosis.
Sophia: No, I mean I'm going out.
Dorothy: Ma, put down the binoculars.
Sophia: No, I need them. I lost my glasses, and I'm not supposed to drive without them.
Dorothy: Let's analyze this for a moment. You're now what, about 200 years old?
Sophia: About.
Dorothy: You have no license. You're not allowed to drive.
Sophia: Curses!

Barbara: As long as I'm here, I should tell you there's been complaints from the neighbors about the noise at night.
Blanche: Which neighbors?
Barbara: Well, me.
Blanche: Which noise?
Barbara: Well, you.
Blanche: Well, get earmuffs. I pay my taxes.

Dorothy: Ah, Rose, another date with Karl tonight, huh? You must really like this guy.
Rose: I do. Karl is sweet, and he's supportive. He understands that I still have feelings for Miles.
Dorothy: Rose, Miles is in the Witness Relocation Program. You're not supposed to be telling people about him.
Rose: I didn't tell him Miles ratted on a gangster named The Cheeseman. He just knows there's somebody I can't see anymore. Oh, Karl is quite a guy. Lately I've been dreaming about him at night, not Miles. Although I do have one dream that both Karl and Miles are in.
Blanche: Ohh. And?
Rose: OK. And Captain Kangaroo.

Dorothy: Blanche, there is still time to back out. Do you really think you can go up there and betray your heritage?
Blanche: Dorothy, I belong in this club. Why, I'm just as Southern as the fruit of a scuppernong arbor growing proudly by the lazy Mississippi.
Dorothy: Lawdy, Lawdy, are you full of it.

Blanche: Actually, I would like to say something else, if you don't mind. Please let me in.
Mrs. Ward: No! Next up-
Blanche: That wasn't what I was going to say. Yes, I am a Yankee, but hath not a Yankee eyes? Hath not a Yankee hands? If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh?
Sophia: Sometimes all night. I've heard her.
Blanche: My point is, I am made up of many ingredients, but perhaps that is what gives me my uniquely American flavor. Yes, for I am an American, and I'm leavin'. I don't need your lousy club to make me feel special. Oh, please?
All: No!
Blanche: Oh, you lost the war. Get over it.

Barbara: I'm gonna take this creep out front and read him his rights. Somebody call the station and tell 'em to get here, and I need handcuffs, right away. [everyone turns to Blanche]
Blanche: Oh. Oh, OK, you can borrow mine. But please be careful with them. They're a gift.