Dorothy: You're a horrible little person.
Sophia: Come on, like you never pretended to be possessed by somebody's dead husband for a couple of laughs.
Dorothy: You know, you have really ruined Rose's relationship with Miles.
Sophia: If you could have seen her face when I talked like Charlie. I almost wet myself.
Dorothy: Listen, you vindictive little sea monkey, you are going to tell Rose the truth.
Sophia: Or?
Dorothy: Remember Shady Pines?
Sophia: Yeah, it wasn't so bad.
Dorothy: I hear they sold it to some Germans.
Sophia: Rose? Rose, sweetheart? Rose?

Sophia: Dorothy, it's past your bedtime.
Dorothy: Ma, I'm 60 years old. I can stay up as late as I want.
Sophia: No, we said when you're 65 you can stay up as late as you want.

Blanche: Oh, I would like you all to meet Stevie. I'm gonna be coachin' him. He's a professional baseball player.
Dorothy: Oh, you got Blanche's number from the wall in the dugout?
Stevie: Yes, ma'am. And it sure was right. I am having a good time.

Blanche: Well, maybe I can't teach Stevie anything about the game, but I can encourage him and give him a shot of self-esteem. Some people are great artists, some are great musicians. I have but one talent.
Sophia: Oh! Oh! I know.
Dorothy: Come on, Ma, too easy.
Sophia: That's what I was gonna say.

Dorothy: Blanche, just out of curiosity, why don't you check the fruit salad?
Blanche: No way. I'm not goin' anywhere near that refrigerator.
Sophia: Wow, two miracles in one day.

Blanche: Ah, girls, what a great night. Stevie went three for four.
Dorothy: Oh, you were at the game?
Blanche: There was a game? Oh, that man just makes me feel so young. Like I was back in high school again. Remember? Remember how you used to feel when your boyfriend was star of the football team? Oh, look who I'm talkin' to!

Dorothy: Blanche, I don't think this is gonna work. Come on, you don't know anything about baseball. You're just misleading this guy.
Blanche: Oh, you're just jealous because I have a healthy sex life and all you have is your mother.
Sophia: Dorothy would rather have me than a healthy sex life. Right, Dorothy?
Dorothy: Right. Not!
Sophia: That's how you talk to your mother? Put that in the letter to your father. How sassy you've gotten since menopause.

Sophia: Rose, we have to talk.
Rose: Forget it, Sophia. I'm not talking to you. What you did is the worst thing you've ever done to me.
Sophia: Oh, come on. Worse than the time I buried you up to your neck in sand and let the children throw baseballs at you for 25 cents?
Rose: Well, I can't hold that against you. That was for charity.
Sophia: Yeah, right, charity.

Dorothy: Well, I finally finished my letter. I got everything down, every little hurt out.
Sophia: This is to me.
Dorothy: I found out during the process that Pop was a pretty good father. But I never really told him I loved him, so I want to make sure I tell you.
Sophia: Oh, pussycat. "Dear Ma. Thanks for giving me life and thanks for making it good. I love you." And I love you, too, pussycat.
Dorothy: And I love you, too. And I'm glad you're my mom.
Sophia: And I'm glad you're my baby. [doorbell rings]
Dorothy: That's probably the schmaltz police.

Sophia: Now, wait a minute. You're a coaching a baseball player by letting him wear your underwear? Didn't I see this movie? A woman helps a handsome ballplayer and he goes off to live with the Indians. What was it called? Dances with Bulls?
Dorothy: Ma, you're confusing Bull Durham with Dances with Wolves.
Sophia: Ah, what's the difference? You get to see Kevin Costner's buns in both of them.