‘Vacation’
Season 2, Episode 8 - Aired November 29, 1986
Dorothy, Blanche and Rose endure a Carribean vacation from hell. Meanwhile, Sophia stays in Miami and charms the gardener.
Quote from Rose
Blanche: Well this is dandy. Just dandy. I knew I should never have let you two talk me into coming to this godforsaken place.
Dorothy: Oh, come off it, Blanche. We all agreed that this was where we wanted to spend our vacation.
Rose: All I wanted was a tan on my thighs. Now I'll probably end up a prisoner of the revolution. They'll rip my blouse and make me cook for the officers. And spit food in my face and make fun of my recipes. And, eventually, I'll catch the eye of some fat general with big sweat stains under his arms. And he'll force me to let out his uniforms and satisfy his ugly needs.
Dorothy: It sounds like Christmas with my ex-husband.
Quote from Blanche
Blanche: I don't know what you two are complaining about. I'm the one who'll suffer most from this. With no air conditioning, I'll get all wilted and sweaty. No man will even talk to me. And even if one does, how am I going to get a date without a telephone?
Dorothy: The way you always do. Go sit in the bar without underwear.
Quote from Blanche
Dorothy: Blanche, what is all that stuff?
Blanche: Just my natural beauty supplements. This is my apricot facial scrub and my honey skin toner and my coconut moisturizer.
Dorothy: If I put cracked ice and an umbrella on your head, you'd be a mai tai.
Quote from Rose
Rose: Girls, I've got our whole day planned tomorrow. After breakfast, we're going to go out on a glass-bottomed boat. And then at ten o'clock, we'll tour an old Spanish fort. And then at three o'clock, we're going to visit the wreck of the Santa Juanita. And then we'll finish off the day with a sunset hike to explore a dormant volcano. [Dorothy slaps Rose] All right, forget the volcano.
Dorothy: No. No, Rose, I just killed a mosquito on your cheek.
Quote from Rose
Rick: You've got no choice, lady. There just aren't enough johns.
Dorothy: This is ridiculous.
Rick: Yeah? You think we're happy having to gargle next to Grandma Moses and the Mosettes?
Rose: You... You... You rude person!
Dorothy: Go easy on him, Lola.
Quote from Blanche
Rose: The meal was disgusting. What do you girls want to do now?
Dorothy: Let's draw cards for the rest of the Pepto-Bismol.
Blanche: Oh, no, it's those nasty boys.
Winston Hardwick III: Ladies, I hate to disturb you, but my friends and I would like to buy you a drink.
Blanche: Why, thank you.
Dorothy: Blanche.
Blanche: Oh, I'm sorry. It was a reflex reaction. No, thank you and goodbye.
Quote from Dorothy
Winston Hardwick III: You ladies should be grateful. It was our superior sailing skill that saved your lives.
Dorothy: Hanging onto the mast screaming, "Please, God, take the old ladies, but don't hurt us." That does not qualify as skill.
Quote from Dorothy
Blanche: Dorothy, should we be listening to Rose?
Dorothy: Quiet. I don't think we're allowed to talk while we work.
Quote from Rose
Blanche: How long have they been gone?
Dorothy: Over four hours.
Blanche: You don't think anything happened to them?
Dorothy: No, they probably just stopped to rest.
Blanche: Yeah, or maybe they're looking for something to carry the water in.
Rose: Or maybe they were clawed to death by bloodthirsty animals. Unfortunately, water isn't all that can be around that rock formation.
Dorothy: You're kidding?
Rose: A pioneer scout always tells the truth. So I'm going to be even more honest. Our big worry is nobody knows we're missing so nobody's out looking for us. The odds are pretty decent that we're all gonna die.
Quote from Rose
Blanche: Oh, Rose. Come on, now. You're just tired and thirsty.
Dorothy: Yeah, we're all tired and thirsty.
Blanche: Let's not wait for the boys to come back. Rose, why don't you whip us up a batch of fresh water you know how to make from sea water.
Rose: About the sea water...
Dorothy: You don't know how to do it?
Rose: Oh, no, I know how to do it.
Blanche: Thank goodness.
Rose: There's just one little problem. I need a ten-gallon copper pot, seven feet of aluminium tubing and a big roll of cheesecloth.
Blanche: Why didn't you say this while you were bossing us around, Miss Pioneer Dope?
Rose: Things were going so well and everybody was paying attention. I just kind of got caught up in the moment. But it's Ionely at the top. I don't want to be leader any more. I nominate Dorothy.