Trending ‘The Golden Girls’ Quotes
Patrick Vaughn: The moon is hanging awful low in the sky tonight, isn't it, Busty? Josie.
Blanche: It sure is, Biff.
Patrick Vaughn: It makes me want to kiss you, Jose.
Blanche: Oh, mind your manners, Biff. Why, we at the 4th of July picnic. The whole town is here.
Patrick Vaughn: To hell with this town. Come away with me.
Blanche: But you're a drifter, Biff. I can't just pull up stakes and run off with you.
Patrick Vaughn: Please reconsider, Josie. You're the prettiest girl in the county. I need to have your answer now. What's it gonna be?
Blanche: I want you to take me, Biff. [As they hug, Blanche's breasts begin to deflate] Oh. Oh.
Patrick Vaughn: Blanche, I am sorry. I'm afraid I popped your bosom.
Blanche: Don't you worry about a thing, Patrick. My backup pair can take a lot more punishment.
Patrick Vaughn: And you are?
Sophia: Linda Ronstadt. I'm doing The Pirates Of Penzance across town.
Woman #1: Did you say Claude Livaudais?
Woman #1: My great-grandfather told stories of Claude Livaudais. He once sold horseshoes to a Union soldier.
Woman #2: Yankee.
Louise: No, no, I can explain.
Woman #1: Fie.
Woman #2: Traitor.
Blanche: Oy vey.
Mrs. Claxton: Let me save everyone a lot of time here. My name is Frieda Claxton. The tree is on my property and I could care less if the city wants to cut it down.
Dorothy: Look, sixty people live on that block and all of them have signed this petition to save the tree.
Mrs. Claxton: Concrete's cleaner. They'll get used to it.
Rose: Mrs. Claxton, please.
Dorothy: I also have pictures of the tree that I'd like you all to take a look at.
Mrs. Claxton: You wanna look at pictures? I've got pictures. Of her roommate, the human slinky.
Blanche: Shut up, Claxton.
Ed: Were there any other faces recognisable in those pictures?
Blanche: You shut up too, Ed.
Blanche: Conning Dorothy is a thought, but I don't know if I have it in me to do all the persuading, all the convincing, and- Oh, my God, is that Dorothy? Or Miss Lana Turner emerging from her morning toilette?
Dorothy: It's Lana with a message from Dorothy. Whatever the favor is, forget it.
Sophia: You know, there's an old Italian saying for times like this: "Scapa, tu si mal fortuna."
Rose: What does that mean?
Sophia: Get away from me, you're bad luck.
Sophia: "On their way, Henny Penny and Goosey Loosey came upon Turkey Lurkey." Yes, poor lonely Turkey Lurkey. Poor dateless, hopeless, self-basting-
Dorothy: Girls, my Uncle Vito is coming to Miami for a visit and he's going to staying with us. He arrives Thursday. He's gonna stay a whole week.
Rose: Where's he gonna stay?
Dorothy: He can take my room. I'll double up with Ma.
Rose: I was going to stay with you. My cousin Milo's coming, don't you remember? He's gonna be in town for the 14th Annual Hog Expo.
Dorothy: Is it the 14th Annual already? It seems just like yesterday it was the 12th Annual. Sunrise, sunset... Sunrise, sunset.
Blanche: Dorothy, now cut it out.
Rose: You know, you can learn a lot about a man just by the way he holds you in his arms. Whether he's kind, sensitive, caring...
Blanche: He dipped you, didn't he?
Rose: All evening.
Blanche: Oh, Lord. So long since I've been dipped. I can't even remember which end of a gefloefen is up.
Don: Hi, I'm Don Benson. I'm here about the hot tub.
Blanche: Oh, my goodness, word does travel fast. It's not in yet, Don.
Don: Oh, no, I'm not here to soak in it. I'm a city inspector.
Blanche: [closing door] You can't come in here. This house has been quarantined. We all have, uh... Quick, Rose, give me a deadly disease.
Rose: Oh, I'm sorry, Blanche. I don't have a deadly disease.
Blanche: Well, get one.
Blanche: Oh, my God!
Dorothy: What's the matter, Blanche?
Rose: Oh, my God!
Dorothy: Oh, come on, no matter what- Oh, my God! "Does your face look like this? Do your hands look like this? You need Ponce de Leon Antiaging Cream." [laughing, then seriously] I'd sue.
Blanche: Dorothy Zbornak, how could you?
Rose: Oh, look, they have airbrushed liver spots all over us.
Dorothy: Tell me about it. You guys look like you should be barking on the front seat of a fire engine. [laughing, then seriously] I really would sue.
Dorothy: Honey, you know we'd go with you if it would help, but by tomorrow, Grand View will be gone. And we'd have to drive all night and stop at a motel, and we all know how you hate to drive.
Blanche: Well, I found a way around that.
Rose: Hey, Blanche, I figured out this treasure map. It's buried somewhere outside Atlanta.
Blanche: Let's roll.
Blanche: You will forgive me if this champagne has a little effect on me, Ham. Sometimes just having it setting on the table sets my heart to racing. Oh! Feel. Lower. It's like there's some kind of wild animal energy in there, pounding, pounding and burning, yearning and lusting, just crying out to be released. [champagne bottle pops] I've never said this to another man, but I feel a heat between us, kind of a flame crackling and hissing. I want you to put that flame out, Ham. I want you to pluck me like a fruit, and wash me off in your kisses, and sink your teeth into my ripe, juicy flesh. [the waiter downs a glass] Let me make you happy, Ham. All I need to know is that you want me as much as I want you.
Ham: Maybe some other time, Blanche.
Blanche: Oh, that does it! I will not let you humiliate me any longer. You may not want me, Ham Lushbough, but I can promise you somewhere on this planet I will find some man who does!
[As Blanche storms out of the restaurant, a number of male staff members follow after her. A man who was dining with a woman joins them.]
Blanche: Oh! A person cannot open a letter anymore without being accosted by some vile, disgusting thing! I thought it was against the law to send filth like this through the mail.
Dorothy: Oh, no. What is it, Blanche?
Blanche: A letter from the IRS. I am being audited!
Dorothy: It's aggravating, yes, but you don't have anything to be worried about. Do you?
Blanche: Well, of course not. But you know how nitpicky they can be if you forget to dot an i or you don't declare the tiniest little thing they can blow it all out of proportion.
Dorothy: What didn't you declare, Blanche?
Blanche: And Rose and Sophia.
Blanche: Dorothy, guess what I have under my robe?
Dorothy: That guy from the circus?
Blanche: No, Dorothy, my new swimsuit. I'm wearing it to entice the muscular young men who are coming over to install my hot tub. Would you like to see it?
Dorothy: Is it a two-piece?
Blanche: Oh, this is just so exciting. I love construction workers. Good with their hands, dumb as stumps, and don't mind showing their buns when they bend over.
Rose: Blanche, do you have a minute? Dorothy and I have been up all night working on a song. We'd like your opinion.
Blanche: Oh, sure.
Dorothy: I think we really might've hit on something.
Dorothy & Rose: [singing] M-l-A, another M-I M-l-A-M-I spells "Miami Beach"
Dorothy & Rose: It stirs emotion.
Dorothy & Rose: It's by the ocean.
Dorothy & Rose: So bring your suntan-
Blanche: Well, M-l-A-M-I don't spell "Miami Beach". That spells "Miami".
Rose: I told you not to add "Beach".
Dorothy: Oh, fine, fine. You find something to rhyme with "Miami", hotshot.
Rose: Mammy! Whammy, clammy, Alabamy, hootenanny, salami.
Dorothy: "Hootenanny" is marginal, and I refuse to accept "salami".
Blanche: Close your eyes and think back. What do you see?
Rose: A cow. A chicken, a goat, a lamb, a rooster- No, two roosters. A pig. There's a man with a gun. He lifts the gun up into the air. He shoots it and they're off. The pig takes the lead, the chicken is in second place, the roosters are neck and neck, right on the tail of the chicken. They're going down the back stretch-
Dorothy: Rose, Rose, Rose. Rose, before the menagerie rounds the clubhouse turn, you have to make the decision to confront Dr. Norgan.
Reverend Avery: Well, I guess that about does it. All the food is gone.
Sophia: Except the fruitcake. I don't get it. There's more now than when we started.
Blanche: I just wish there was something more we could do for these people.
Rose: Especially the children.
Reverend Avery: Yes, I know. I'm supposed to look after their spiritual needs, but even I can't help thinking they have other needs that are far more pressing.
Candy: Ladies and gentlemen, be sure your seat belts are securely fastened in preparation for the take off.
And if anyone found a big bolt, please return it to me. It came off the beverage cart. Yes, that's it. The beverage cart.
Blanche: Dorothy, it is not a coincidence. It is my nightmare and it's coming true.
Rose: Don't be silly, Blanche. Not all of it's coming true. You haven't heard the voice of God.
Dorothy: That's right, Blanche.
Captain: [v.o.] Ladies and gentlemen, this is Captain Lord speaking. I hope you enjoy your flight.
Blanche: Actually, I would like to say something else, if you don't mind. Please let me in.
Mrs. Ward: No! Next up-
Blanche: That wasn't what I was going to say. Yes, I am a Yankee, but hath not a Yankee eyes? Hath not a Yankee hands? If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh?
Sophia: Sometimes all night. I've heard her.
Blanche: My point is, I am made up of many ingredients, but perhaps that is what gives me my uniquely American flavor. Yes, for I am an American, and I'm leavin'. I don't need your lousy club to make me feel special. Oh, please?
Blanche: Oh, you lost the war. Get over it.