Trending ‘The Golden Girls’ Quotes
Blanche: Oh, Sophia. Honey, I want to wish you all the happiness in the world.
Sophia: Oh, thank you, Blanche.
Rose: And Sophia, I want to offer you a traditional Scandinavian wedding blessing. Keflectoflafen flafenflurfen.
Sophia: I'm really touched. I'm also soaking wet.
Sophia: You know, there's an old Italian saying for times like this: "Scapa, tu si mal fortuna."
Rose: What does that mean?
Sophia: Get away from me, you're bad luck.
Patrick Vaughn: The moon is hanging awful low in the sky tonight, isn't it, Busty? Josie.
Blanche: It sure is, Biff.
Patrick Vaughn: It makes me want to kiss you, Jose.
Blanche: Oh, mind your manners, Biff. Why, we at the 4th of July picnic. The whole town is here.
Patrick Vaughn: To hell with this town. Come away with me.
Blanche: But you're a drifter, Biff. I can't just pull up stakes and run off with you.
Patrick Vaughn: Please reconsider, Josie. You're the prettiest girl in the county. I need to have your answer now. What's it gonna be?
Blanche: I want you to take me, Biff. [As they hug, Blanche's breasts begin to deflate] Oh. Oh.
Patrick Vaughn: Blanche, I am sorry. I'm afraid I popped your bosom.
Blanche: Don't you worry about a thing, Patrick. My backup pair can take a lot more punishment.
Dorothy: And I was feeling jealous and Ionely and... God knows what else.
Dorothy: Excuse me?
Blanche: Magenta. That's what I call it when I get that way. All kinds of feelings tumbling all over themselves. Well, you know, you're not quite blue because you're not really sad and although you're a little jealous, you wouldn't say you're green with envy, and every now and then you realize you're kinda scared but you'd hardly call yourself yellow. I hate that feeling. I just hate it. And I hate the color magenta. That's why I named it that. Magenta. No way to really explain it but, fortunately, between friends, you don't have to.
Blanche: Okay, music history. Here goes. "What famous Mozart composition, completed in 1787, is a serenade in G for two violins, viola, cello, and double bass in four movements?"
Rose: Eine Kleine Nachtmusik.
Blanche: That's right. How did you know that?
Rose: Well, they always play it during the chases on The Bugs Bunny-Roadrunner Show. There was- There was this one where Elmer Fudd was chasing Bugs, and he stuck his gun down a hole in the ground that Bugs had painted-
Dorothy: Excuse me, Rose. Blanche, could I see the rule book? Thank you. [hits Rose on the head]
Rose: My life will be ruined if this ever gets home to St. Olaf.
Dorothy: What'll they do, Rose? Revoke your ice fishing license? Take back your helmet with the horns? I mean, I'm the injured party. Obviously, I am destined to never see Frank Sinatra face to face.
Rose: They're called longenhodden.
Dorothy: What is called longenhodden?
Rose: The helmet with the horns.
Rose: I just don't know what to do.
Dorothy: Well, frankly, Rose, I think you're just rushing things. But, I don't know. Maybe it's better to live with Buddy than to just charge full steam ahead and marry him.
Blanche: No, it isn't. This is morally wrong. It is epically offensive. It's an out and out sin.
Dorothy: Why do I feel like I just fell through the looking glass?
Rose: Blanche, how can you, of all people, say something like that?
Blanche: Well, Rose Nylund, I have never lived with a man without the benefit of marriage.
Dorothy: Excuse me, Blanche, I think what you mean is you have never lived with a man without benefit of room service.
Blanche: Being with a man is not the same thing as living with a man.
Dorothy: You're right, Blanche. Living with a man eliminates the need for an overnight bag and a stop at the drugstore.
Blanche: And the need for marriage. Family and tradition. Not to mention wedding showers, catered affairs, the bridal registry at Burdines.
Rose: Maybe it sounds strange, but without Charlie, I thought that part of my life was over. I never gave it a second thought.
Dorothy: Until now? Then I think you should go on the cruise. Honey, if the situation is right, you'll know it.
Rose: But I'm not sure I'm ready.
Dorothy: Oh, honey, I know what you're going through. The bottom line is, if you take a chance in life, sometimes good things happen, sometimes bad things happen. But honey, if you don't take a chance, nothing happens.
Rose: I'm gonna take a chance.
Randy: You know, I just had the craziest idea. If you can inspire goof-off kids like me, think what you could do with my sales force.
Dorothy: What're you talking about?
Randy: Well, it just so happens that I need a motivational trainer, a teacher. You'd be perfect.
Dorothy: Randy Becker, are you offering me a job?
Randy: The benefits are pretty good, the pay's great, and you'd have a health plan. Well I just have to see what Joe has to say about all of this.
Dorothy: Oh, you You just have to see what Joe has to say about all this, huh? And this Joe, would he happen to be "Jo mama"?
Randy: Uh, Joe Stewart. He's my business partner.
Dorothy: Oh, of course. No, Joe Mama's with IBM.
Blanche: Oh, that last episode of I Love Lucy was hilarious.
Rose: It sure was. I never realized you could have that much fun staying up all night.
Blanche: Oh? Not even with Charlie?
Rose: Oh, we never stayed up all night. Just seven till midnight every night and and five to seven every morning. And, of course, till noon on Sundays.
Blanche: Good Lord, no wonder you still mourn that man.
Blanche: Rose, listen. Now, you have a very critical date coming up. Everything I said would happen has. He's been more attentive, he's sent you flowers, he's done your laundry and returned most of it. We're right on schedule, but tonight he's gonna ask you if you're seeing other men. Do you know what you're gonna say?
Rose: I'm not sure.
Blanche: Just be bold, be brazen, be brutal. Now, what are you gonna say?
Rose: [sassy] I'm not sure.
Blanche: Rose, if you're gonna be my lump of clay, you gotta be a little bit smarter. When he asks you if you're seeing other men, just tweak his nose and say, "My, my, sir, I do believe you're jealous."
Dorothy: What about the vapors, Blanche? Shouldn't she be overcome by the vapors?
Dorothy: What's that smell?
Sophia: I don't smell anything.
Dorothy: Are you wearing something?
Sophia: A little Ben Gay on my knees. A little Vicks on my chest. A little Deep Heat on my neck.
Dorothy: What are you trying to do, pickle yourself so you'll live to be 100?
Sophia: Fine, I'll wipe it off. Tomorrow, I'll be in a wheelchair.
Dorothy: I'm sorry, Rose, but I have to grade you like everybody else.
Rose: Well, look, Dorothy, you made a mistake. I got that question right.
Dorothy: Rose, the question was "Who was the leader of the Third Reich?" You wrote "Fritz Stickelmeyer," your high school history teacher. The correct answer is Adolf Hitler.
Rose: Where's my history book? Is this the man we're talking about?
Dorothy: Yes, that is Adolf Hitler.
Rose: You can call him whatever you want, but that's Fritz Stickelmeyer. I'm as sure of that as I am that's Eva Braun standing next to him.
Dorothy: You recognize Eva Braun?
Rose: Well, sure. She was our high school P.E. teacher. It was rumored she used to date Mr. Stickelmeyer.
Dorothy: Rose, that's it. I just can't take any more. With this question right, you have a D minus. Rose, you're a high school graduate.
Blanche: Anyway, I was about eight years old when I first met Cathy Lee on the playground. We became fast friends, just as thick as Louisiana blackstrap molasses on a stake of johnnycakes as high as an elephant's knee...
Dorothy: On a riverboat floating down the Mississippi delta. Finish the damn story, Blanche!
Blanche: Anyway, it was at our Southern seafood fry that I proudly dragged Cathy Lee over to meet my folks. Well, my mama took one look at Cathy Lee and forbad me ever to see her again.
Blanche: Because her mother was not in the Daughters of the Confederacy. Oh! How my heart went out to little Cathy Lee, standing there while our servants snickered at her servants. But Mama insisted I break off the friendship, or I wouldn't get brand-new riding boots for Christmas. So I did.
Dorothy: Blanche, why is this a story about acceptance?
Blanche: Oh, because years later, to get back at me, Cathy Lee slept with my daddy. That was something I had to accept. Mama accepted it, too. Along with a brand-new Cadillac Eldorado for her birthday. You know, my family had a few dollars, and I loved them dearly, but when you get right down to it, basically, they were trash.
Rose: In the first panel, it says "Sonia Klingenhoffer" in big letters, and the "O" has pigtails.
Dorothy: What's in the second panel, Rose?
Rose: Sonia's walking down this country road and there's this group of children laughing at her. And in the bubble coming out of her mouth, it says, "It's not funny. You try getting white bread and mayonnaise out of your braces." And then in the third panel-
Blanche: Rose, how many panels are there?
Rose: Sixteen. And then in the next panel-
Dorothy: Could you just tell us the gist of the story?
Rose: Oh, fine, but then you'd miss the joke between the two crows on the telephone wire.
Dorothy: The gist of the story, Rose.
Rose: Well, in the last panel, Sonia tells her mother, and her mother understands.
Blanche: If my foot wasn't asleep, I wouldn't ask this. What exactly was it Sonia told her mama?
Rose: The joke between the two crows. I knew you'd beg to hear it.
Dorothy: That's it. Get out!
Rose: What does that have to do with getting Dorothy and Blanche back together?
Sophia: Nothing! I told you, stay out of it!
Rose: I can't! I can't just stand by and watch this happen. I've got to do something.
Sophia: That might work, too. [opening the fridge] Abbondanza!
Blanche: [on the phone] Hello, fire department? This is Blanche Devereaux at 5161 Richm- Oh! Well, of course you know where it is. Hi, Ed. I'm on fire. Why, you naughty boy!
Rose: I'll bet that's why Chicago burnt down. Mrs. O'Leary was probably a tramp, too.
Dorothy: Give me that. [on the phone] Look, I'm terribly sorry. There's been a mistake. There is no fire here. That's right, this isn't Blanche. So that remark about the fire hose was totally wasted.
Blanche: It fits. My wedding dress fits.
Rose: Congratulations. You weren't married in a white dress?
Blanche: Oh, Rose, come on. I mean, it's one thing to hear snickering when you walk down the aisle, but me in white? Even I couldn't keep a straight face.
Rose: [answering phone] Hello. Oh, Helgie. So what's going on in St. Olaf? I can't understand ya, honey. Are you moaning? No. Say it slowly. Oh, God, it's raining. Oh, God, it's raining. Oh, God... Oh, God, it's raining! Here, I've gotta get to Miles.
Blanche: [listening to phone] Boy, it must be pouring.
Miles: Rose. Rose. Is something wrong?
Rose: I don't know what you see in me, Miles.
Miles: I see you.
Rose: But why me? I thought you'd like Blanche.
Miles: I like Blanche very much. So does Blanche. [chuckles] That's better.
Rose: I feel so dumb around you.
Miles: Oh, never say that, Rose.
Rose: But you're a teacher. You you think for a living.
Miles: Well, don't be so impressed. I have summers off.
Rose: How you can stand listening to me and all my ridiculous stories.
Miles: Your stories are very refreshing, Rose. Look, it's like driving in the country and getting lost. You may not know where you are, but you always have a good time finding your way out.