Best ‘The Golden Girls’ Quotes     Page 25 of 25

Quote from Blanche in Dorothy's Prized Pupil

Blanche: Oh, that's a great idea! I just love surprise parties. I remember, every year on my birthday, George would take me to the Country Club. And every year, he would say would just have a nice, quiet little dinner. Then we'd walk into the dining room and the lights would go on, and our friends, all from the finest families, would yell, "Surprise!" And every year I'd pretend to be surprised. It always made George so happy.
Dorothy: Good Lord, how could you fake it every year?
Blanche: Well, Dorothy, when we were first married, I faked it three times a week. That always made George happy, too.


Quote from Blanche in Long Day's Journey into Marinara

Blanche: What is happening between Sophia and Angela is not unlike an incident which occurred between my sister Virginia and me when we were in high school. Now, can you believe that one's very own sister could seduce her sibling's boyfriend on the eve of that sibling's senior prom?
Dorothy: Virginia did that to you?
Blanche: No, I did that to Virginia. She deserved it. She borrowed my saddle shoes without asking. Well, what are you looking at? She scuffed those shoes. I hardly left a mark on that boy.

Quote from Blanche in Forgive Me, Father

Blanche: I know what I'm talking about because I was in a very similar situation once. He was a man of the cloth. Totally dedicated to his vocation or so he said, but his eyes told me he was dedicated to me. We both knew it was wrong and we fought our feelings with every bone in our hot, longing, writhing bodies. Finally, it was just too much for us and we gave up and checked into a Best Western.
Dorothy: You had an affair with a priest?
Blanche: Priest? I didn't say he was a priest. I said he was "a man of the cloth". He was a fabric salesman. You know, we never made love again after that, but he did cover my La-Z-Boy for free.

Quote from Blanche in Bedtime Story

Rose: What are you doing?
Blanche: I am contouring my eyebrows. I use Miss Christie Brinkley as a guide 'cause we have the exactly same bone structure. I just hope she doesn't go to pot after that baby comes. I don't want that big-eyed husband of hers coming after me.
Rose: I never do very much with my eyebrows.
Blanche: That's why, from the nose up, you look like Wilfred Brimley.

Quote from Rose in And Then There Was One

Dorothy: Fine. But if she's gonna stay another couple of days, we'd better get more diapers and food.
Rose: I'm thawing some pork chops.
Blanche: Honey, she only has two teeth. How is she supposed to eat a pork chop?
Rose: My Uncle Lester only had one tooth, and he could eat corn on the cob. Of course, he didn't get a lot of it into his mouth. So they'd cream what fell on his pants, and he'd eat it later.

Quote from Rose in And Then There Was One

Rose: Being abandoned is the worst. I know. I was almost abandoned.
Dorothy: Almost?
Rose: I was nine. It was the last night of the Deep-Root Vegetable Carnival, and I was having the greatest time. Eating candied turnips and guessing how many sweet potatoes were in the glass jar. Bobbing for yams. I had a knack of always coming up with the firmest, most appealing yams.
Blanche: I was once told I had the firmest, most appealing gams.
Dorothy: Blanche, try and stay with us.
Rose: Anyway, the last time I surfaced, clutching a humdinger of a yam between my teeth, my parents were gone. Frantically, I searched the carnival grounds. I was convinced I'd spend the rest of my days with the bearded lady as my foster mother, and the man who hoses down the elephants as my dad. Anyway, I was lost. And scared. But then I did what generations before me had done. I gazed up into that dark night sky and found the bright star that could guide me home.
Dorothy: The North Star.
Rose: Actually, it was the Texaco star. From a service station across the street. Our farm was just down the road from it.
Dorothy: Rose, honey, have you been washing the fruit off before you eat it?

Quote from Rose in The Actor

Blanche: Oh, that man is slime.
Dorothy: Pond scum.
Rose: Flugenachen.
Dorothy: What?
Rose: Flugenachen. It's Scandinavian for someone who docks his boat in a handicapped slip.

Quote from Blanche in The Sisters

Blanche: Aw. Well, my sister Charmaine was insanely jealous of me from the time I was a gorgeous little infant. See, she was one year ahead of me in school and we used to compete for everything. But there was one thing that Charmaine did excel at, cheerleading. Not only could she twirl that baton like a propeller, but she knew every cheer in the county. And she could twist her body into the shape of a letter R. Well, finally Charmaine decided it was her turn in the spotlight, so she challenged me to compete against her for captain of the cheerleading squad. When the day came, we had to perform in front of the entire school, and Charmaine was fantastic. She twirled those batons so fast, she looked like a DC3 coming in for a landing. Then it was my turn. So I did some cartwheels and only fell once. I did a handstand and almost got my balance. And I only dropped my baton four times. And when I was finished, I was unanimously voted captain of the cheerleading squad.
Dorothy: Blanche, how was that possible?
Blanche: Underneath my regulation uniform, I was wearing little, black French lace panties. Bearing the words "bonjour". Or was it "bon appétit"? I don't remember. Anyway, it was something in French. I guess, nobody minded that I couldn't do a handstand, but they surely did appreciate me trying.
Dorothy: Then I don't understand. Blanche, just once, why couldn't you let your sister win?
Blanche: I told you. Jealousy is a terrible thing. That'll teach Charmaine to be Daddy's favorite.

Quote from Blanche in Family Affair

Blanche: Oh, girls, look. Believe me. Nobody could be more upset about what happened last night than I am, but I was just trying to be hospitable, I swear. I sent the kids to the symphony to hear Henry Mancini's tribute to the Pink Panther. I didn't expect them to come back here and jump into bed. Besides, it's not the end of the world. These things do happen. Why, the same thing happened to me when I was in my early 20s. I was taking some classes at Miss McGyver's finishing school. And one night, Bobby Jo Springer had escorted me back to my dormitory after the annual Fine Manners ball, when an innocent good-night kiss developed into an evening of passion. But at 3am, the door flung open and there stood Miss McGyver, making one of those bed checks she was famous for. I tried to handle the whole thing like a lady. I waved politely over Bobby Jo's shoulder with my foot... but she was unmoved. Next day, she sat me down, gave me a stern lecture and kicked me out of school. Only, I didn't care. I knew what ecstasy was. All she could do was walk around with a dictionary on her head.

Quote from Sophia in Family Affair

Sophia: What's all the commotion? Oh, boy.
Michael: Grandma, this isn't what it looks like.
Sophia: Please, I'm 80 years old. I may not remember what it feels like, but I sure as hell remember what it looks like.

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