Dorothy: What are you doing up?
Rose: I thought I heard a strange noise.
Dorothy: What kind of strange noise?
Rose: Like someone walking slowly up creaking stairs.
Dorothy: We don't have stairs.
Rose: I know! How strange is that?

Blanche: What is it? I heard screams! What's happening?
Rose: No, nothing. Everything's fine, Blanche.
Dorothy: We never should have watched Psycho. For 25 years, I have avoided that picture, even when Stan invited me to the Roxy instead of over to his mother's house for dinner. And it turned out that my instincts were right, Norman Bates is scarier than my mother-in-law. And a much better dresser.

[flashback:]
Blanche: Are you OK?
Rose: Oh, I'm fine.
Blanche: Oh, I know exactly what you're going through. I can read it in your face.
Rose: You can?
Blanche: Oh, sure. Your husband or your boyfriend dumped you. Oh, honey, don't let it get you down. It's just the nature of the beast. They'd do it in the mud if they had to. You just go sleep with his best friend. That'll even up the score.
Rose: [looking around] Am I on Candid Camera?

[flashback:]
Blanche: You mean, you didn't get dumped?
Rose: Well, actually, I did by my landlord. He threw me out of my apartment, but I couldn't sleep with his best friend. He's over 80 years old and thinks he's the Archduke Ferdinand.
Blanche: Why did he throw you out?
Rose: Well, the new owners of the building don't allow cats, and I'm not about to part with Mr. Peepers.
Blanche: Oh, I guess you two have been through a lot together, huh?
Rose: Yes, I found him last week. But I wouldn't feel right having a home if he didn't. We've become very attached.
Blanche: You know, I think that shows great strength of character. I like you and I like cats. I also happen to have a room for rent, and the name is Blanche Devereaux.
Rose: Why would you name a room Blanche Devereaux?

[flashback:]
Blanche: Say, Rose Look, now, I'm not making any promises, but how would you like to take a look at that Blanche Devereaux room?
Rose: Really? I'd love to.
Blanche: Come on, let's go.
Rose: By the way, what's your name?

Blanche: [v.o.] That last remark was the reason I didn't let you move in that same day. But after I saw what I had to choose from, you seemed like a gift from heaven. You wouldn't believe some of the people I interviewed.
[flashback:]
Blanche: Well, I think that about completes our tour, Madame Zelda. Anything else I can tell you about the place?
Zelda: Yes. Was a young woman in a nurse's uniform murdered in this house with a handsaw?
Blanche: Heavens, no!
Zelda: Are you sure? I'm getting a very strong vibration. I see a woman in a white uniform, writhing and screaming. And there's a man kneeling over her.
Blanche: Well, if it was last Wednesday, that was me and the gentleman I'm currently dating, but that was a French maid's uniform.
Zelda: Mrs. Devereaux, you must leave this house at once. It's possessed by an evil spirit.
Blanche: Actually, it's possessed by Miami Federal. And at seven percent, you couldn't blast me out of here.

[flashback:]
Blanche: Dear things, I'm afraid I'm running a little late. May I just ask you a few questions?
Dorothy: Well, of course. Go right ahead.
Blanche: What do you call an inhabitant of Guam?
Dorothy: I don't know. A Guamanian, I guess. What does this have to do with renting the room?
Blanche: Oh, nothing. I just wanted to finish my crossword puzzle.

[flashback:]
Blanche: Now, then, Dorothy, would you say you are a very neat person?
Dorothy: Oh, yes. Very, very neat.
Sophia: Please. You're neat and I wear a D cup.

[flashback:]
Rose: Blanche, I know I can't replace it, but I wanna make it up to you. Listen, since this is our first night as roommates, I'd like to invite the two of you to dinner at my favorite restaurant.
Dorothy: Well, that's very sweet of you, Rose.
Blanche: Well, thank you, Rose.
Rose: Then we'd better hurry, 'cause the Strawberry Blizzard Special at the Dairy Queen only lasts till five. Come on, I'll drive.
Dorothy: Oh, let's not drive. Let's skip there.

Rose: Oh, my goodness, It's 2:00 in the morning.
Dorothy: And I am still wide awake.
Blanche: Me too.
Rose: You know, before I met you two girls, I was never up this late. Except, of course, during the Jerry Lewis Telethon.
Dorothy: Of course.