Blanche: So that's it. That's the big secret. Charlie was a nice guy!
Dorothy: Oh, I'm sorry it lacked the intrigue of the Duncan Osgood case.
Blanche: But isn't it amazing how things always work out? Now, Rose and her daughter have reconciled their differences and Duncan Osgood can walk the streets a free man. I guess all's well that ends well.
Dorothy: That's easy for you to say. You're not at the bottom of a lake, clutching someone's dickey.

Blanche: I bet you're pretty excited about their visit.
Rose: Oh, yes. And a little nervous.
Dorothy: Nervous?
Blanche: Why would you be nervous at your daughter and your granddaughter?
Sophia: My friend Maria is always nervous when her daughter Theresa comes for a visit. Of course her daughter is a hitman for the Mob. The rumor is she dated Frank Sinatra. You know the song "The Lady is a Tramp"? It used to be "Theresa is a Tramp." Well, they had to change it for legal reasons.
Dorothy: Ma, what are you talking about?
Sophia: Somebody asked me about Frank Sinatra.
Dorothy: We were asking Rose why she's nervous about seeing her daughter.
Sophia: Then try to stay on the subject.

Rose: Anybody ready for dessert?
Charley: I am, Grandma.
Rose: Oh, good. I'll slice into that Rice Krispie log.
Dorothy & Blanche: Ah, just coffee.

Dorothy: So, tell me, what are you and your daughter planning on doing this week?
Rose: Well, my granddaughter's never been to Florida before, so I thought I'd take them to SeaWorld and Gatorworld and Reptile World... and Parrot Village.
Dorothy: What? The parrots don't get a world? Oh, this is outrageous.

Blanche: Anyway, I'm glad I got back before Kirsten and Charley got here.
Sophia: Who's Charley?
Blanche: Rose's granddaughter.
Sophia: That's a girl's name, Charley? That's a bookie's name!
Dorothy: Honey, she's named after Rose's husband.
Sophia: Rose's husband was a bookie?
Blanche: He sold insurance.
Sophia: An even bigger racket!

Blanche: No, I mean, since she's been getting ready for her daughter's visit. I think it has something to do with her will.
Dorothy: She's just excited about seeing her daughter.
Blanche: No, I think it's more than that. You know how she said she was nervous about showing her daughter her will? Well, Dorothy, she ought to be, because wills make people do crazy things!
Dorothy: Like what, Blanche?
Blanche: Like killing people. Do you know what they just uncovered in the Duncan Osgood murder case? That the day before she was murdered, Tippi Paxton Osgood had changed her will, making Duncan the sole heir to the Paxton napkin fortune! That man is guilty!
Blanche: Oh, come on! That's circumstantial evidence. I mean, it's not enough to convict him.
Blanche: Actually, the more damning evidence was a snapshot they found of Duncan dressed in scuba gear, dragging Tippi's body down the stairs, wrapped in a carpet.
Dorothy: Maybe it was from their wedding album.

Kirsten: Thank you for inviting us to stay with you. [exits]
Blanche: Oh, thank you for these lovely gifts! [to Dorothy] What are you gonna do with yours?
Dorothy: It's a log. I'm going to burn it.

Rose: I want you to take a look at my will.
Kirsten: Mom, you keep your will in the cookie jar?
Rose: Yes. Every time I used to walk into the kitchen, your father was in the cookie jar. This way, he still is. I think I'd better warn you, I know how much you liked my sapphire necklace, but I thought you'd get more use out of the pearl earrings.
Kirsten: Mom, these numbers don't make sense. They can't be right.
Rose: They're right, Kirsten. I had them checked with a lawyer and an accountant.
Kirsten: But there's nothing here.
Rose: Of course there is.
Kirsten: I mean, there's nothing close to what should be here. Daddy was one of the most successful insurance salesmen in his company. You couldn't possibly have gone through everything.
Rose: Well, Kirsten, times have changed. Money just doesn't go as far as it used to.

Blanche: We just came to help.
Dorothy: No, actually you were gone so long, we were afraid you two were making another log.

Kirsten: In 15 years, you managed to piddle away the fortune it took Daddy a lifetime to build?
Rose: Kirsten, it's not that simple.
Kirsten: Just tell me how it happened. How could you go through everything Daddy earned?
Rose: I don't know. Bad investments. I guess I got a little greedy. You know, get-rich-quick schemes. I lost it all, I'm sorry.
Kirsten: Mother, I am so ashamed of you. [storms out]
Dorothy: I don't believe it.
Blanche: Well, me neither. Rose Nylund isn't the kind to squander her money on bad investments.
Rose: It's true! I did it. I guess you two don't know me as well as you think you do.