Dorothy: Look, I couldn't help it! When the doctor came in with the release form, he told me what could possibly go wrong. I just panicked.
Blanche: Darling, nothing is going to go wrong.
Rose: Blanche is right. 'Course, one summer when I was a candy striper, you wouldn't believe the things I saw. Lost patients, mixed-up medications, botched operations-
Dorothy: Rose, do a big ugly man with a limp a favor and shut up.

Sophia: I thought I heard you in here. What are you doing home?
Dorothy: I'm all better, Ma.
Rose: Oh, she is not. She's afraid to have the surgery because she has a phobia about hospitals.
Dorothy: And do you know why I have that phobia? Because when I was five years old, I was left alone in the hospital on the day I was having my tonsils taken out.
Sophia: I was in Cleveland at your Uncle Mario's funeral.
Dorothy: Yeah, but Pop wasn't.
Sophia: Of course not, he hated your Uncle Mario. Everyone hated your Uncle Mario. That's how he died. Twenty-three stab wounds during a block party and nobody saw a thing.
Dorothy: Pop left a scared, sick five-year-old all alone at the hospital. Said he had to go to work.
Sophia: He did have to go to work. How else could we have paid for the operation?
Dorothy: All I know is, I was alone and terrified and I have never gotten over it. I still have that phobia about hospitals.

Sophia: Well, it's about time you got over it. Blanche, get the keys to your car. We're taking Dorothy to the hospital.
Dorothy: Ma, I am not going.
Sophia: OK, fine. So you don't want to go back to the hospital?
Dorothy: No.
Sophia: You don't want the doctor to operate?
Dorothy: No.
Sophia: Then it's settled. We'll do it here. Blanche, go boil some water and get me a pillow. Rose, sharpen my Ginsu knife. Dorothy, pick out a shoe you'd like to bite on.
Dorothy: You're not serious?
Sophia: No, I'm just acting as stupid as you are.
Dorothy: All right. All right, I'll go back. Oh, you always win, don't you?
Sophia: Yeah!
Dorothy: You're awfully good at this.
Sophia: I'm the best.

Nurse: Here we are.
Dorothy: How come I get the chair with the wobbly wheels?
Nurse: Oh, looks like you have a new roommate.
Bonnie: Hi, I'm Bonnie.
Dorothy: Dorothy. Glad to meet you. Now look, are my tests finished? I am tired of being probed, poked, and prodded. More men have seen my behind in one day than in my entire life!
Nurse: They'll be in to prep you for surgery in about an hour. Until then, just relax.
Dorothy: There aren't enough drugs in the entire building!

Blanche: How's our little patient doing?
Dorothy: Oh, fine, just fine. A little groggy, that's all.
Rose: Oh. But you're not in any pain?
Dorothy: I'm not. Slight discomfort.
Sophia: You want discomfort? Try sitting in this chair for eight hours.

Dorothy: How was the dance recital?
Blanche: Oh.
Rose: We were great!
Blanche: They loved us! We've been invited to dance next month at the Sunset Charity Ball.
Rose: And there's even some talk about us going up to Palm Beach to be in the cotillion.
Dorothy: Oh, that's wonderful. And I'll be back and in dancing shape by then.
Blanche: Oh. Well, you don't understand. We've changed our act. We're no longer the Tip Tap Trio.
Dorothy: Who are we now?
Blanche: Well, we're now known as...
Blanche & Rose: The Two Merry Widows!
Rose: Hit it, Blanche!
Dorothy: Oh, that was the most adorable dance I think I've ever seen. Rose, honey, could I look at your hat for a minute? [Dorothy puts her fist through the hat]

Dr. Ravel: If you'll just sign these forms, we'll be all set.
Dorothy: Forms?
Dr. Ravel: Oh, they're just your standard consent forms. Releasing us from all liability in the unlikely event of your death.
Dorothy: I'm having a simple operation! How could I possibly die?
Dr. Ravel: Oh, it's possible, believe me! Just ask Dr. Ashton.
Dorothy: Listen, you know, I really don't think this operation is a good idea.
Dr. Ravel: Mrs. Zbornak, relax. You have nothing to worry about. It's a simple surgical procedure, I'm sure everything will be fine. Here. I'll leave these forms so you can look them over. I'll see you in the morning when I get back from court.
Dorothy: Wait a minute, wait a minute! I want to hear more about this mix-up!
Dr. Ravel: I don't know what you're talking about. Night!

Rose: It's just that I've always dreamed about learning to tap dance. And I guess I get too gung-ho about things. When I was a child, I used to get overexcited and pet the cat too hard.